Mar. 19th, 2009 06:44 pm
chu_totoro: (random-- abracadabra)
click at your peril )

edit: All right, to be completely fair, I realize you (cellist) are a junior. I realize you are probably busy as hell with junior year life. But if you are, just say so. Evasive, vague, put-off-y answers, 'oh, I don't know's and 'uhhhh I might have something's are unacceptable. If you need to cancel, notify people ahead of time; don't wait until they have to track you down and find out where the hell you are. If you have a lot of things to do, notify people of your schedule ahead of time. Not just 'oh yeah, I have stuff'. WHAT stuff? What day? What time? Make yourself clear. It's called responsibility, dammit.

I think I'll stop before this turns into another rant. ;;;;


Nov. 28th, 2008 11:51 pm
chu_totoro: (FMA-- I am selfish)
It's almost midnight. I'm sleepy.


Just. I have lesson tomorrow, and I pretty much haven't practised all week, and I really need to practise tonight and tomorrow before lesson if I don't want to DIE which is probably, you know, a tad more important than sleep, and it's not like I have anyone to blame except myself.


Also, this whole Stanford Arts Supplement thing is driving me crazy. So Stanford's bloody deadline is a month earlier than all of the other colleges. Who knew?

I wish my mom wouldn't be in such a crabby temper. See, this is why I didn't want her to help, because she gets like this, and. blah.

Maybe I'll just forget sleeping tonight and take care of all this shitty stuff so I never have to worry about it again. I refuse to go through this during winter break.

Oh right, cello first.


0134 edit: 75% )
chu_totoro: (AS-- raziel)
what the hell

I really need to get a grip on life.

I keep meaning to do stuff. I tell myself in my head over and over again that I'll do them. For example, I'll sit on my chair, and think, I should clean my room. Then I'll look at my room, and at the papers on the floor, and think about how to organize them, and at the books strewn everywhere, and think about where they go on the bookshelf, and at my backpack, and think about all the homework I should do, and tell myself in my head that I'll do it as soon as I get up, just a minute...

Until I have to go to class. Or my dad calls me to lunch. And I leave thinking, well, I'll do it when I get back, and then I never do.

ajfd;lkjasgkjbhajflkas;fjasl;fa can I just screw school, screw responsibility, go to Barnes and Nobles and buy those new books I want to read and come back and lie down in that comfy patch of sun in my room and just READ? Just for say, a day? I mean, I don't really care about all the achievements of Woodrow Wilson, no matter how great they were kthxBYE.

edit: At Denise's suggestion...

list of things to do! )
chu_totoro: (TRC-- RAWR!! (Kuro))
rant )

edit2: mmm forget it.

piano is good for the soul. ;p
chu_totoro: (xxxholic-- sweatdrop)
the SAT... tests your ability to take the SAT.

the SAT essay... tests your ability to write something that, at first glance, looks like a good essay.


the depressing truth

wtf is this?

two quotes from the same article--

quoth: The team uses a technique known as "holistic scoring," a euphemism for reading an essay very quickly (a minute or so per paper) and making a snap judgment. This is not like grading a school essay, in which points may be deducted for uncapitalized letters or an insufficient number of paragraphs. The scoring technique puts a premium on a student's ability to develop a logical chain of reasoning over the mechanics of writing.

quoth2: The essay is virtually illegible -- no marks are deducted for bad handwriting -- but it is two pages long and is sprinkled with academic-sounding words such as "commodity" and "value." Ed Hardin, an expert with the College Board, makes a stab at reading the essay out loud. He had awarded it a 5 on the basis of his first impression and the sophisticated vocabulary but changes his mind as he tries to make sense of the stilted prose.

... ...

yeah, because first impressions totally put a premium on ability to develop a logical chain of reasoning. obviously. and when you actually read it and realize the essay makes no sense... well, that's all right, the first impression was good!

BS it and hope you aren't one of the ones they bother to read aloud.

oh, oh, and this

quoth: One essay struck me with its well-wrought line: "It may be the case, then, that secrecy has its own time and place in our vast world." I was dazzled by the calm maturity of that sentence — until I realized it could well have been composed in advance.

what the hell is wrong with our world. First, get dazzled over a sentence that doesn't quite make sense (it sounds good, but think about what it's actually saying) just because it has the word "vast" in it. No, try me. Take it out. It doesn't sound half as "sophisticated." Then, to doubt whether someone could have come up with that on the spot? No, it must have been composed in advance!

so that kid, who could very well have just randomly thought of that (what does that sentence really say? srsly. not much. if he's trying to say that secrecy depends on situation, say so. if he's trying to pull an Ecclesiastes, it's not very clear. the whole thing is vague.), got credit because the reader believes he couldn't have come up with it on the spot and must have planned it in advance and, and, hear this, gave him a higher score for "preparation."

omgwtf. *shot*

also, Andy, you know your utter lack of facts? Well, graders are apparently encouraged to ignore incorrect factual info and grade as if it were fact, because students under pressure get facts mixed up easily or something. So BS as much statistics as you want, people! They have to take it as fact.

so. lame.
chu_totoro: (random-- abracadabra)
fuck )

edit: lawlz so like. to calm myself down, I went to them and offered to watch the House episode I wouldn't watch with them yesterday! and they agreed, of course, because they want to watch it.

and so much for piano, so much for cello, so much for homework. ahahahahahahahahaha so much for anythiiiiing their damn lecture was about. o___O not like I could focus on homework in that... not very presentable state. ;; /points up

it's so ridiculously ironic. everything works backwards. nothing's about what it's really about, it's only about how to deal with people and how to BS classes and how to take standardized tests and through it what anything is really about gets blown off to the wayside. whoosh!


++feels kinda like a petty sort of vengeance, don't you think? exploiting their hypocrisy to placate them by essentially doing what they advocate least. o____O; not that it benefits me any. in the long run, that is.

chu_totoro: (FMA-- angry Ed button)
thanks to my lovely sister, I have had a revelation.

from now on, the poems that I write, that I spend effort on, that I actually like...

I'm not going to send them in to get slaughtered.

I'm sorry. I like the sound, I like the rhythm, I like the flow, I like meaning and concrete language too, and they're important, but I would not, not slash the meter and the rhythm and the flow to pieces for the sake of... condensation... which is mildly acceptable, but worse than that, line length.

That is one of my biggest pet peeves.

I don't appreciate destroying things to make my my poem look like a BOX, thank you very much.

Dolce et Decorum Est isn't anything close to a box, is it? It's still a classic, isn't it? Same with The Road Not Taken. aasdflkjdalf;asdf I just don't like boxes. >>

And Sutton is a concrete-language-beat-poet to the core. I am not. I mean, I like Howl, but even that has a flow and a rhythm of its own (it sort of reminds me of rap actually). Actually, I think any of the "modern" poems that I've ever liked have had some sort of rhythmic flow to it. The ones that don't just stick out like a sore thumb. They don't read. Poetry's a type of music, y'know. They're called "BEAT" poets for a reason...

So! If I happen to write a poem to her prompt assignment that I actually worked on, really like and don't want to change, I think I'll keep it and write another one of those traditional BS Sutton poems (azureemeraldopalgold bwahahahaa)that you know will get through her for the assignment. because. MINE. rawr.

and I will keep separate copies of those poems that ended up clearing, but are full of things that are just her and not me and that I really don't agree with her on, and revert it to the way I liked it. :)

I know everyone says she knows best. but. that doesn't mean she gets to impose her will on my ideas so they end up 50% her and 50% me and totally changed from the original intention.

What this class is good for is the practice, the individual bits and pieces and the editing and fixing up of the language, but the products are no good, I mean they are but just. too much her. if it started out you and not BS, you know?

Who was it... Andrew Taw once said that. He said he hated Sutton because her students end up all churning out poetry exactly like her, and it's totally true, and no wonder because you can't CLEAR a poem unless it goes through her filtering process, and in the end we all become little Sutton marionettes, dancing on her strings of concrete language, of poems with profuse description and nothing and nothing at all, of little boxes of perfectly formatted words, of "poetry" and "language" that we all appreciate amongst ourselves because we have been with her so long and have learned to appreciate such poems, but to everyone else all sound the same.

You must admit, she is a bit of a control freak. (aiight, understatement much.) Her way--or no way at all.

when we print chapbooks I'll print out the minimal number, and then collect all the poems I actually like and take out all the ones I don't, and arrange them the way I want to, and revert the poems that I liked and were printed out but had minor changes made that just make me twitch every time I read them, and then I'll compile them all into my own chapbook, designed the way I want it to be, and go get it made at Kinkos, and then that'd be my real chapbook! and then I'm done with poetry class and restrictions and steel-wall-solid unreasonableness, because IIIs will probably squander all the last vestiges of creativity out of my marionette and leave the limbs swinging lifeless and broken and mechanical and what. the. hell. enough. not happening. (either that or my marionette will whip around and bite the hand holding the strings and then there will be ugly warfare and... no.)

sorry. this has just built up since... you know, the last year or so, and exploded around now because my sister is home, and also because we're doing work at about 20x the pace of last year (already written 2x the amount of poems we wrote last last semester... in several weeks)

I'm sick of this.

almost tempted to drop the class.

she keeps me from orchestra so much it's not even funny. and while I love poetry the people, I harbor no real love for poetry the class, it's mostly BS. whereas I love both orchestra and the people (most of them). ♥

though, it does help improve the writing.

... ... ...

chu_totoro: (IY-- squee)
So. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Because I have nothing better to do with my mornings... )

Er, I'm sorry, this bit turned into a huge Ginny wank )

I really didn't mean to wank so much ==;; Anyway, HP7 spoilers ahead )

Okay, I'm done (I think) with my spoilers and wanking and complaints etc. Anyone who's read the book, please come discuss with me! /is completely HPbrained right now and can't think of much else XD;
chu_totoro: (Loveless-- please shoot me now)
asd;lfkdjflkdfl )

anyway, after wasting all that time ranting, I feel slightly more... vindictive. And I've my coffee now. So I'll live. And now I have to go practise piano for the laaaaaame recital, because even LAAAAAAAAAAMER SJYS stole all my piano practice time. Hell, it stole cello practice time on top of that. and most importantly, LUXURIOUS INDULGENCE TIME. T____________T

yup. *angsts over life*

ahaha I have fake emo cuts on my arm too. How ironic. Earlier yesterday Vivian insisted on graffiti-ing my arm during Calc, and it still hasn't washed off. my other arm was mauled by Stephanie, and has a smiling fat monkey on it. one with a heart-shaped face. o____o

2308 edit: ...hm. After actually practicing piano, I'm not actually angry any more. At least Rachmaninoff's a piece worth practicing, yanno?

Music cleanses the soul. :)

...and maybe coffee too. a little bit. in a shortcut, eventual unhealthy side effects sort of way.
chu_totoro: (AS-- raziel)
...what. the. hell.

As if fanlib isn't enough. Throw more spotlight on things, won't you?

So I saw the first mention of this on [livejournal.com profile] empyrean_rp, they're starting to call it the 2007 LJ Strikethrough, but I thought they were kidding-- then I wandered around to my journal, where I found it glaring out amongst the fanlib complaints on [livejournal.com profile] metafandom and, to boot, an expressly pissed off [livejournal.com profile] cougarfang, for the very same reason. Between checking up on [livejournal.com profile] liz_marcs' entry and subsequently [livejournal.com profile] femmequixotic's here, apparently it is very real. And spreading very fast.

I know fandom has offensive content, and things perhaps inappropiate for small children to read (HENCE WHY THEY HAVE RATINGS KOFFKOFF HELLO), but pedophiliacs?

This honestly strikes a nerve. I remember back in middle school, when Eliza and I were addicted to roleplaying, and having silly little adventures with our little fox people on paper/computer and greatly improving our writing in the process, and joining rp guilds and having the time of our lives adventuring away online...

...and all my dad would believe is that all these people online are rapists, disturbed people, people who want to LURE US IN and TRACK US DOWN and have sex with us, and just. wtf?

He listed examples. He showed me an example. Of some guy lurking in a yahoo chatroom, and I was all wtf, that's a CHATROOM, the people who go there are ASKING for this, and they were. I mean, it wasn't as if the guy was tracking them down. They went to him, and fell prey easily; they were idiot adolescent teens seeking out guys to talk to, online, because they have too much hormones for their own good, and they're stupid and easily tricked into believing some gruff 40 year old pervert is a hot 20 year old guy, and they speak purely in chatspeak and are easily excited and want to talk about sex and it was just-

It had nothing to do with roleplaying as I knew it. And I tried to explain it to him, but he just. wouldn't. listen. Those were some of the worst times of my life. I seriously wanted to kill my own father out of frustration. o____o

This smacks of the same idea. People who just don't understand. Who don't know what they're talking about. Yet are so self-righteous and- just. God.

Their reasoning: people list interests. Those interests are then grouped. Therefore, if a lot of people list an interest in something that may be of illegal content, such as SLASH, that must be a way to exploit livejournal's services to solicit that activity!


Fangirls write about pretty boys they like doing illicit activities. Would that make them pretty boys SEEKING that illicit activity? No. Maybe you can classify them as over-fangirling and insane, but that's what they DO.

why are some people so stupid

so this probably won't affect me personally or anything, and I mean, I don't list specific interests, but I'm a leecher, to steal the IRC word. And they destroy what I leech. :o

Though, [livejournal.com profile] kyouten, you might want to be careful. Back everything up? Mass f-lock, wipe profile? Just in case. It'd be sad if you lost everything. Like people have been.
chu_totoro: (Miyazaki-- Tales of Earthsea)
more profound truths of life:

cello )

1556 edit: so after that little rant of life I practiced a lot and felt better. then ended up ditching dance and indulging in lovely Maya crack and imploding my brain. but I got relatively more achieved than I had planned. :) so life is good.

...I'm feeling a little crazy this afternoon. I swear I'm on drugs or something. The ensuing bits of crap and stupidity are lj-cut to prevent offending anyone.

Ode to Taylor Marietta Greer )

I have this desire just to go somewhere, y'know? Like into a throng of people. And thread my way through all the way to the center and get up on a stool or something, then burst out in BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA wild crazy maniacal laughter. That ever happen to you?

2114 edit: I know, I know. posting way too much on LJ lately. call it a bad habit.

but omg.

Biking that double cross-y turn from Saratoga Avenue on to my street at 9 pm?

Just. Totally not worth it.

The cars don't see me! I mean, they just don't see me. I stopped twice, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, not like at the little island in the middle between the two ongoing bits of traffic where I usually stop which is dangerous enough anyway, but smack in the middle. To let a stray car pass me. Twice! Because they just didn't see me! I mean, after I stopped they sped right past me and didn't even notice then. By all rights they should have let me pass, but if I had gone on they wouldn't have seen me until I was lying in the middle of the road with my brains splattered out. Seriously. I felt like an invisible ninja. Or like I was in Taiwan.

And, while I navigate well enough now, it just gets kind of tiring. I mean it doesn't seem that scary, they're just cars, right? It just seems kind of whatever. But rationally, I wonder if one day I'm just going to space out and then I WILL end up with my brains in the middle of the road and my parents will die of grief and I will have been a very, very bad daughter indeed. Filial piety, y'know. It just makes me wonder, while I'm threading through the cars, in this dispassionate fashion, what would happen then...?

Yet, the safer route home. Has no streetlights. Oh me oh my. Saratoga's too safe a district for streetlights.
chu_totoro: (FMA-- pyromaniacs)
can't concentrate. on anything.

rantrant )

alkfjdsfjlkajsflajfsjfa;js I'm just a lazy bum who doesn't do enough work and rants about having too much work in order to justify not working hard enough. wtf. I think I'll go sleep more now.

on a better turn of events, Sutton gave us this one day free of poetry before we get into our crazyintensive ones for the next 3 days. So at least I have the rest of today off. That's something.

1746 edit: naps in the middle of the day are weird and disorienting. that is my conclusion.

...also, I cannot believe someone wrote Care Bear BDSM. what a bizarre story.
chu_totoro: (Loveless-- come in closer)
Ahhhh, school.

Love it, and hate it, at the same time. Like break! 'cept I was generally more mopey during break. You can't really blame me, though-- for the first week I pretty much wandered around hacking and voiceless with knives in my throat, dressed in pajamas with hair disheveled like a banshee, watching movies til I got a headache... and feeling generally miserable. If the entire break had been like the second half, I'd say otherwise.

Adam... left. A few hours ago. :( I miss him already, but am also glad that he's gone. I feel so contradictory. xD

A late happy new year to everyone, I guess. Haven't made any new year's resolutions yet. Might take one of these surveys floating around when I've some more time. Anyhow it's not REALLY new years until February 18th, when the red envelopes come in. WITH MONEYYYYYYYYYYYY~ ($.$) mwahahahhaaha I'll make resolutions then. For now, my only resolution is to whoops unintended short ranty thing ).

I wonder how I'll fare when finals week hits. but it's full of minimum days, so... /shrug.

In other news, after careful calculation, if, IF I get a perfect participation grade, I need an 88.85% (at least) on my calc final to get exactly 89.5% on my semester grade for an A-. >< /crosses fingers and prays.

Maybe that should be a resolution.


Dec. 17th, 2006 09:06 am
chu_totoro: (AS-- raziel)
>< being sick sucks.

So I've gained some semblence of my voice back, but swallowing still hurts like woah and I now have random seizures of giant coughing spasms that end up with me gagging/nearly retching over the sink with the feeling that my entire throat is turning itself inside-out but... to no avail. D:

Occasionally I do manage to cough up giant disgusting slimy yellow globs. Which relieves my throat, somewhat, though the sight of them strikes a nerve in the brain.

1152 edit: DDDDD: someone needs to get [livejournal.com profile] kyouten a helmet. Apparently the miles upon miles that she bikes she does without helmet. EVAR. -_______-
chu_totoro: (Default)
GAHHHHHHHHH adlfkjdskljfalsdfjlka )

OK, done bitching now. *wanders off*
chu_totoro: (FMA-- I sleep now kthxbye)
blargh )

...I forgot the original point of this post. I had something else to say, but it turned into a rant about yesterday... except today was actually stable and happy and I don't want to think about yesterday anymore, so I'll be quiet now. ^^; *totally cannot remember*

0158 edit: .... I TOTALLY just remembered what I was going to say, and then I was about to come here and post and and I was thinking about writing "!! moment of inspiration yay" and then while I was thinking about that I FORGOT again. T___T *dork*


chu_totoro: (Default)

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