Oh, fuck you, Kucer.

I think this is taking things a little too far.

I was originally planning to find some time to apologise, but I don't feel like it anymore.

Unless my dear mother forces me to, in which case doubly fuck you because I hate giving apologies I don't mean.

Thirty minutes in and it's another shitty day. Wonderful.

edit: So I found out that forwarding the letter was part of school procedure and not from Kucer personally, so I am no longer angry at him, just reasonably annoyed by the school. but I must say that still made for a pretty crappy morning.

Otherwise school today was OK.

I kind of miss the days when I wasn't into music. You know, go to school, do whatever, have a blast running around and playing silly games on the computer, go home and practice some piano, that's that. And so much free time! So much, so much, so much time, all the time. None of this bloody orchestra stuff, none of this responsibility, this duty. School was school and home was home, friends were friends and time was mine to spend, all the time in the world. I mean it's not like I was ever one for homework. Homework? Home? Yeah right. And just imagine; if I didn't have all this orchestra, all these instruments, these obligations, I would be so free right now, you have no idea. All the time in the world! God knows what I would be doing then. But it's nice to think about, from time to time. Music is lovely, it's wonderful, but it ties you down - down and down and down. Even summers, even vacations, vacations v-a-c-a-tions, no break, none! You have to be practicing all the time, it's concertsrecitalscompetitionsauditionstriosquartetsorchestrasaccompaniment just a neverending stream, they just keep coming and coming until you say all right, that's enough, give me a break, and then they slow for a bit and you have just enough time to slow with them, start to relax, take a breather, and then it's off and it's off and it's off again and enough is never enough and.

Some days I miss those days before I got into music, y'know?

owch. The pains. They accumulate.

So yesterday I sat through an hour-ish of sixth per. orchestra all right. Breeze. Chill. Keropi/Mel came along to visit, too, which was nice. :D

Then, ~half hr after that, sat through two more hours of West Side Story all right. Admittedly playing a bassoon part and not cello, but it amounts to the same when you play it on the cello. XP I'd really rather play the cello cello part though, I feel so alone when he picks on me. D:

Then an hour of piano! Piano 'sdifferent from cello. Doesn't count.

Ah, but CPYO sectionals? Then I started to feel it in the lower back. An hour and a half later I was dying for a break. Luckily then we had break! ...or NOT, because just as we were putting our cellos away, we were informed we had 10 more minutes to go. T__T WHY.

But we got extra break after the 10 minutes, which was good. Curling up in chairs in various very un-cello-playing-like positions relieved pains somewhat. They flared again during actual rehearsal, but at least half the time was spent on winds and brass during which we could lean back and relax, so that wasn't too bad.

Today! Felt good in the morning. Very sleepy and still a little tired, but completely pain-free!

Still pain-free throughout West Side Story rehearsals. Sleepy, so sightread pretty badly, but that's okay. Two hours of zombie-playing.

Whip off to cello class! Step into Mrs. Kim's house, and suddenly WIDE AWAKE. No one is asleep around the cello teacher. Ever. If you are, it is soon remedied.

Miraculously regained sightreading powers and made it through my two etudes. I'm so lucky they were both easy. This week I didn't even look at the music before the lesson (stupid West Side Story).

Right, an hour of ever-vigilant attention to the cello. I don't even know if I had pains or not. You forget about any pains (headaches, sickness, physical injury) under the scrutiny of Mrs. Kim. Seriously. I've had past experience walking into her house, having my cold magically vanish for an hour, then reappear as soon as the lesson ends. But it's not anywhere near a good thing, because the only reason it vanishes is because you're focusing so hard on what she's telling you and trying so hard not to get yelled at that your concentration drives the cold out. ><

Anyway, I was all right when I left, so I'll classify that as no pains.

Then tonight! IT HITS. REALLY HARD. And no amount of shifting position/stretching out/moving around helps. At all.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH MY BACK. SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP. T______T

w00t. make that three times in so many days. cello lesson utterly shattered me, just as piano did yesterday, aaaaaand, I fell apart! for the second time in a row. In a less-than-24-hour-span-of-time. .___.

but that seems pretty long ago (the lesson was earlyyy in the morning).

for the moment, life seems to be back to being somewhat good and mostly in control again, so forget that.

Incidentally, if you're really in desperate need of looking perfectly normal after an extended period of... disconsolate weeping, emoness, tantrums, whatever, something that makes your eyes all red and swollen, a wet towel brings you back to normal in about 5-10 minutes. highly useful information.

My mom actually suggested I cut cucumber slices! and uh. Use them. On my eye. As in, cover my eyes with two cucumber pieces so I look like a green, giant-round-eyed weirdo. buuuuuut I told her I'd rather not. >> I'm sure it's effective, the idea just doesn't... appeal to me.

mmmm so we'll see what happens @ piano lesson tmr and negotiate about the recital. I'm hoping she'll let me drop this one and perform Rachmaninoff instead at Holland, which will give me a couple of more weeks on that and also relieve my time up to study for finals, because I mean spending all of Sunday practicing and then being @ recital till late night and then either not studying and going to bed or studying and going to bed really really late = failed final on Monday. =/ Either that, or don't practice and study which = failed recital and disappointed teacher.

And I mean, after the Japanese final I don't really have anything left. Except the Calc test, which is a joke (finances?), and history. But those aren't till Wednesday. Until then, I have finals respectively for orchestra, poetry, and English. none of which have real finals! ha.

So, a day and a half to go.


In other news, I somehow very very stupidly infected my computer with a bunch of spyware, and something called Torpig. A pig named Tor! not.

Wasted ~hour fixing that. -____- IDIOCY GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Adam'll be back by tomorrow. With Katie. They'll have driven all the way back. by tomorrow. o____o damn they're fast.

Wow. Haven't been home this early in ages. oO;; Cut Track today. Still sore from skateboard hill, hungry, menstrual cramps, + anyways we searched around everywhere and could not, NOT find the other long distance people, Mr. Jordan or even Eddie/Daniel.

Fwee hw time yes~

Brigadoon people were all dressed up walking around campus today. Chris Chin wore PINK and black. and a skirt. oO;; Jeff wore a skirt too. but it was like. village clothing. so it didn't look too bad. Austin had a giant feather in his hat, reminiscent of the antennae things in Chinese opera, y'know, those big long things the generals always wear that jiggle around when they move their head?

That being said, work now. Piano's been srsly suffering in the wake of cello... and ugh I have a "Incident Chart" to make for English...

... hey guys! Isn't this wonderful? I'm not going to have a life next week. at ALL.

Firstly, Track every day... it shall eat my time. but I shall get faster NYAHAHAHAHA today I ate with my cousins and they were like oO;; why are you walking weird? and I told them and they went OMFG BADMINTON STARTED TOO blahblahblahblah... XD

And then. Aftschool my schedule goes thus:

Monday: Track, Cello class
Tuesday: Track, Orchestra rehearsal
Wednesday: Track, Chinese class, Concert rehearsal
Thursday: Track, Concert rehearsal
Friday: Track, Piano class, Winter formal
Saturday: Cello class, concert rehearsal
Sunday: Dance class, koto class, concert rehearsal

Yeh, Mrs. Kim finally got the student concert music. Concert rehearsals start Wednesday, either 2-3 hrs long, ending at 9:30. >< And I'm placed in with the higher level people because of my age because it would suck if I were stuck with a bunch of little kids (nnh, I might be better than some people in school orchestra, but with the rest of the Kim students I'm waaaaaay down there) so this means I get the higher advanced music too! Which is. HELLA HARD.

Or, it isn't actually as hard as some of our school orchestra music. But I have to actually play it well, not give them the superficial crap (well I practiced some and it's somewhat better now but still. if Kim heard me she would DIEEE) that I feed Dr. Francisco.

It's not that bad, really.

Except that we have two weeks before the performance.

So for someone like me, it's literally PRACTICE MY HEAD OFF OR ELSE. Kim was like: "... you can do it! You'll just have to practice your butt off; drop all my other hw and just practice this several hrs every day, you'll be fine." =.=;;

Whee so I get to practice cello like crazy. And then! My piano lesson wasn't too good because I was really tired this week and didn't practice much so I need to get it back up to standard and past standard really 'coz I have to finish memorizing my last two CM songs because wow. It's the end of January. CM is in a MONTH. o__O;;

Extra hw this sem. too~ I traded in Health and PE, the two no-hw classes, for some of the most hw-full classes TrigPreCalcH and Wld Geog!! Ahahaha hw should be okay. I'll try to finish all my hw while at school. Like in Geometry! At home just English hw usually. Sutton gives too much work to be finished in school.

I also think I'm starting to get sick a bit. There's another cold sweeping the school and I think it reached me. Which also makes me wonder if I'm getting my period, because I tend never to get sick until I get my period. But I could be wrong. Nyah~

Er, koto? ha. ha. ha. screw koto. >>;; I don't have enough of a life left for koto.

^ has been getting by by sight-reading during class, and thus greatly improved jian pu (chinese style sheet music with all the numbers) reading skills

Lalalaah doesn't next week sound fun? Go me! I shall attempt to abstain from overmuch internet usage and procrastination.

In other news, today is Chinese New Years Eve! Like I said, I had lunch w/my cousins and thus aunt/uncle too and I got the first red envelope today. So now I have $60. I am no longer broke! Woooooo~

On Sunday my grandma's holding a pot luck with the entire extended family. You guys wait. By Monday I shall be a RICH LADY MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA~

Edit: Now that I think about it, I have that exact same schedule next next week too. Aside from the Paly winter formal. oO;; And it's worse, because next next Sunday's when we perform so we have longer dress rehearsals. They better not make me skip dance or koto. I've skipped far too often the past two months. ><

Edit: AAAAAAAH the ending of Of Mice and Men is so sad wah I want to cry now. T.T