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Oct. 5th, 2006 10:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chu_totoroYesterday... kept... FLUCTUATING. Like crazy. Things keep happening! And then I'd be driven into a seriously messed up state such as sitting in poetry and not taking in a word of the lecture + instead trying to figure out how particular family members would react if I died, and then kept envisioning this picture of myself slitting my throat open (much in a similar fashion as the first wife who died in Braveheart), and. wtf. I have a double personality or something, too, because all the while I'd be wtf-ing myself and then I'd go on thinking it anyway. And then something would happen and life would get back to being okay + slightly bad day, and I'd start thinking "yay life isn't TOO bad" and something different would happen that puts me into a HORRIBLE mood again. And it KEPT happening. >>; And it's not just like I was moodswingy, although I was that, too, but the things that would happen would actually be of some relevance, such as realizing I didn't complete a certain poetry page, then going to the library comp to type it out only, no ID card, so pick up ID card only, no money for printer, so borrow money and back only, no password, so go to the tech office only, no account so then more technicalities only, no signature... etc etc until I'm about insane and give up and am henceforth in a terrible mood and hating myself for not doing the stupid page, yes? Or getting really strongly reminded by, say, Wooho, who decides to sit next to me and spazz his crazy SFYO-level violinist skills which reminds me how lacking I am in of practice and completely kills the tune I was trying to figure out on cello etc etc.
See, it's just more that I would be thinking "Oh, the day isn't too bad after all..." even though still slightly crappy, much better than before, and I'd really think that and believe it each time, that the day isn't so bad, and then something HAPPENS and... I don't know, when you genuinely believe that and it gets overthrown, and the process happens about 4-5 TIMES, it just becomes really tiring. And then there was XC, and I ran solo and went home and got the dog and ran back with him to make him exercise, and then we all did strides and other stuff, and I was really happy and cheerful for a while, it wasn't even like "ah life is okay" it was like "yay I think I heart today after all" and then I was happy and cheerful when I got home but then there was the entire Cookie business. And that was worse than all the others yes because it was last but also because it was more severe ANYWAY.
...I forgot the original point of this post. I had something else to say, but it turned into a rant about yesterday... except today was actually stable and happy and I don't want to think about yesterday anymore, so I'll be quiet now. ^^; *totally cannot remember*
0158 edit: .... I TOTALLY just remembered what I was going to say, and then I was about to come here and post and and I was thinking about writing "!! moment of inspiration yay" and then while I was thinking about that I FORGOT again. T___T *dork*
See, it's just more that I would be thinking "Oh, the day isn't too bad after all..." even though still slightly crappy, much better than before, and I'd really think that and believe it each time, that the day isn't so bad, and then something HAPPENS and... I don't know, when you genuinely believe that and it gets overthrown, and the process happens about 4-5 TIMES, it just becomes really tiring. And then there was XC, and I ran solo and went home and got the dog and ran back with him to make him exercise, and then we all did strides and other stuff, and I was really happy and cheerful for a while, it wasn't even like "ah life is okay" it was like "yay I think I heart today after all" and then I was happy and cheerful when I got home but then there was the entire Cookie business. And that was worse than all the others yes because it was last but also because it was more severe ANYWAY.
...I forgot the original point of this post. I had something else to say, but it turned into a rant about yesterday... except today was actually stable and happy and I don't want to think about yesterday anymore, so I'll be quiet now. ^^; *totally cannot remember*
0158 edit: .... I TOTALLY just remembered what I was going to say, and then I was about to come here and post and and I was thinking about writing "!! moment of inspiration yay" and then while I was thinking about that I FORGOT again. T___T *dork*
