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chu_totoroOkay. I've had it. I'm sick of working with lazy, irresponsible people with shitty attitude. I can't take this anymore.
I don't even know where to start. I just sat in front of my computer for ten minutes straight without typing a thing. I guess I'll start from the beginning. We have this trio. Or rather, two unnamed people (although they are probably pretty obvious) had this duet, except apparently it was too hard so they decided to do a trio instead, namely Brahms Trio No.1 because one of them is bloody lazy and he's played it before so it means he won't have to practise, ANYWAY duet -> trio = extra person on piano = me since I've played it before (half of it, anyway) = how I got tangled up in this whole bloody mess.
Sorry I'm not in the best of moods right now so I'm not going to bother making this sound objective.
All of this took place approximately three and a half weeks ago around the time I made the whole series of emo posts. This would be because that was two weeks before CM and I really shouldn't have participated in that quartet gig, much less join a trio and spend time practising with them (it should've been the week to smack all my pieces into shape so I could polish them the next week and actually play well at CM), but that's a different story.
In any case, we practised (haphazardly) two times and it was really more like sight-reading than actually practising because both piano and cello were reading (somewhat; I told you I only knew ~half of it right) and then we had a coaching session on Friday which wasn't spectacular, unsurprisingly, and I was plunged into a vat of doom by my piano teacher's disappointment (she didn't vocalise it. much. but I could feel it EMANATING T____T and the fact that she vocalised at all is unforgivable death, srsly, even if I knew it was coming that only made it worse I think) but anyway I requested no more rehearsals until after March 8th (CM date) because on a personal level I really could not afford the time until after CM, not unless I wanted to utterly humiliate myself, and I figured after that week we could practise a lot to make up for it and work really hard and pull through.
So this is what happens after CM. During class I ask them a couple times about rehearsing (I was hoping 2-3 times but at least once that week) and I get these lukewarm responses. Like 'yeah, we should' or 'yeah, I guess' or 'I don't know, ask the cellist!' or just 'I don't know, don't ask me' (in an annoyed tone). The cellist is even worse; half the time when I call her she doesn't answer even when I'm pretty sure she hears me, and when she does she goes 'whaaaaat?' in this dragged out, irritated tone, and when I bring up stuff like rehearsals she goes 'uh, yeah...' and the conversations end there.
Okay, can we get something straight? YOU GUYS ASKED ME FOR A FAVOR. I didn't start this, this isn't even my trio, I shouldn't effing BE the one organizing everything and you respond with shitty attitude like that on top of everything else?! What the hell. Seriously.
Right I wasn't *that* mad back then but I was pretty annoyed... anyway the cellist had to go to All-State so we didn't end up practising that week. At all.
By this time I was getting pretty worried, so on Saturday I call the violinist to schedule practise on Sunday (All-State gets back Sat night) and he goes 'oh, I'm not free tomorrow. Anyway don't worry! We're just lacking in individual practise; if we all know our parts perfectly it'll be easy to put together!'
I ask him what he's busy with on Sunday and he says 'I have a Lit essay due on Monday.'
Okay. First of all, what kind of musician are you? What do you mean by put it together? You want to just kind of fit it to each other, get all the parts right, play it through without stopping, that's good enough? And what about all the nuance, the musicality portions of it, all the stuff that actually makes music music and makes Brahms so brilliant, just. Not going to work it at all? What is chamber music to you? Why do you even play if you're not going to take it seriously? 'But I do, I do take it seriously, I am taking it seriously it's not me it's the cellist' my ass. If you actually cared you would want to do it, you would want to play it, and obviously you could care less. YOU especially. If we were all not-so-good, still struggling with techniques and notes, fine, holding it together is good enough. You don't have that excuse. You're an excellent chamber musician. SO BLOODY HELL TAKE IT MORE SERIOUSLY YOU JERK.
Two, a Lit essay? Due Monday? Wait but it's Saturday night, you can FINISH IT EARLY IF YOU TRIED but are you going to try? No. Knowing you, you're probably watching anime. Pure laziness. Jerk.
He calls the cellist and she doesn't pick up, hup guess tomorrow's off.
On Monday I hijack the cellist (with a lot of effort) and try my hardest to schedule Tuesday, but apparently she 'might have a doctor's appointment' and she's 'definitely not free today either' and all of this I still have to pry out because both of them are being extremely difficult ('I don't know, ask her!' 'what?' 'yeah I know we need to practise... (now go away)') and I don't get anything except a vague 'maybe Wednesday' and by then I seriously considered dropping out. I went to Zarco and asked him about dropping out procedures and all and I asked my mom's opinion because I just didn't want to deal with this anymore.
I called the violinist to get the cellist's number because I deal with my issues in person not vaguely and IRRESPONSIBLY through other people (I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this has all built up through the past week and I really don't feel civil at all anymore) but of course... he doesn't pick up. Actually he hangs up on me, presumably he was in a class or something, and doesn't pick up later on.
Anyway I no longer bug them during Tues night rehearsal because I just don't want to deal with that resistance, that permeating aura of reluctance and irritation anymore. I feel like a drowning man trying to pull up two lead weights, all right?
So the violinist calls me to be emo about orchestra things and he's so damn sincere (I don't know, honestly depressed) and this is when I start forgiving him because I can never stay mad at people for very long and we talk and wtf is wrong with him, he's got a decently rational side to him, why can't he APPLY IT to his life instead of using it to complain all the time, what an idiot.
Wednesday I am v. annoyed at violinist's behavior in orchestra, he's sulking, it's so obvious, he doesn't even try like how he hasn't tried for like the past semester which just MIGHT be why Boitz doesn't like him anymore, ANYWAY. They schedule haphazardly a rehearsal at my house at 6:30.
At 6:30 they are not here. At 6:35 they are not here. At 6:40 I am talking to Tiffany about colleges on the phone because there is nothing else to do.
They get here at seven.
asjdgad;jgadjhgjadj;jdalk gah.
I would yell at them but what good what that do? It'd just waste time. And generally when dealing with people (esp. in person) I like to avoid unpleasantness, I mean it's so much easier just to remain civil, just not deal, you know?
The actual rehearsal was fairly enjoyable. It's Brahms. I love Brahms. And you can't really maintain any emotion while you're practising except that of the piece. Also, it was better, and they seem to be better; they agreed to practise again tomorrow (i.e. today) at the same time and Friday we have coaching, so if we practised after school after coaching we should be good for CMEA.
Well.
I asked about rehearsal at school (I meant during 7th because they were originally considering that) and the violinist says no, he doesn't think so, and I thought he was referring to seventh period, you know. And then when I call to check if they're coming at 6:30, he's like 'oh, I don't think we're rehearsing today. Cellist says she has some appointment or something.'
What the hell.
I'm just so tired of all of this. I don't want to work with people like this. I don't want to run around and be the annoying buzzing fly in your ear. I don't want to try and drag this up. I don't want to go and play a half-assed job at CMEA. On top of that... you guys asked me to do this. Seriously. I think that's one unfairness too many. Take up your share of the damn responsibility! When you cancel something, when you schedule something, you're supposed to call and notify the other members. That's good work ethic. Just. What the hell.
The one thing that's actually keeping me in here is the fact that I love Brahms and I love the piece and I want to play it. And that's just sad. I guess I'm just a sap.
I'm too tired after writing all that up even to be angry anymore. But I swear, I'm never working with people like this again. Ever. In Nodame Cantabile they have that scene where the oboe player is trying to form a chamber group and he's having sort of - informal interviews, or meet-ups with people, I suppose - and that cellist comes and he looks at his watch and thinks 'He's thirty minutes late. I can't work with him.' and then politely tells the guy 'Sorry, I can't work with you' and leaves. Yes.
This is the last time. Ever. I've stayed in this too long to pull out without feeling hypocritical (but who knows, I just may snap if something goes wrong tomorrow), but from now on if anyone gives me any more of that shit that's exactly what I'm doing. Sorry, can't work with you guys, BYE.
Fuckers.
Kudos to you if you made it through this entire rant.
edit: All right, to be completely fair, I realize you (cellist) are a junior. I realize you are probably busy as hell with junior year life. But if you are, just say so. Evasive, vague, put-off-y answers, 'oh, I don't know's and 'uhhhh I might have something's are unacceptable. If you need to cancel, notify people ahead of time; don't wait until they have to track you down and find out where the hell you are. If you have a lot of things to do, notify people of your schedule ahead of time. Not just 'oh yeah, I have stuff'. WHAT stuff? What day? What time? Make yourself clear. It's called responsibility, dammit.
I think I'll stop before this turns into another rant. ;;;;
I don't even know where to start. I just sat in front of my computer for ten minutes straight without typing a thing. I guess I'll start from the beginning. We have this trio. Or rather, two unnamed people (although they are probably pretty obvious) had this duet, except apparently it was too hard so they decided to do a trio instead, namely Brahms Trio No.1 because one of them is bloody lazy and he's played it before so it means he won't have to practise, ANYWAY duet -> trio = extra person on piano = me since I've played it before (half of it, anyway) = how I got tangled up in this whole bloody mess.
Sorry I'm not in the best of moods right now so I'm not going to bother making this sound objective.
All of this took place approximately three and a half weeks ago around the time I made the whole series of emo posts. This would be because that was two weeks before CM and I really shouldn't have participated in that quartet gig, much less join a trio and spend time practising with them (it should've been the week to smack all my pieces into shape so I could polish them the next week and actually play well at CM), but that's a different story.
In any case, we practised (haphazardly) two times and it was really more like sight-reading than actually practising because both piano and cello were reading (somewhat; I told you I only knew ~half of it right) and then we had a coaching session on Friday which wasn't spectacular, unsurprisingly, and I was plunged into a vat of doom by my piano teacher's disappointment (she didn't vocalise it. much. but I could feel it EMANATING T____T and the fact that she vocalised at all is unforgivable death, srsly, even if I knew it was coming that only made it worse I think) but anyway I requested no more rehearsals until after March 8th (CM date) because on a personal level I really could not afford the time until after CM, not unless I wanted to utterly humiliate myself, and I figured after that week we could practise a lot to make up for it and work really hard and pull through.
So this is what happens after CM. During class I ask them a couple times about rehearsing (I was hoping 2-3 times but at least once that week) and I get these lukewarm responses. Like 'yeah, we should' or 'yeah, I guess' or 'I don't know, ask the cellist!' or just 'I don't know, don't ask me' (in an annoyed tone). The cellist is even worse; half the time when I call her she doesn't answer even when I'm pretty sure she hears me, and when she does she goes 'whaaaaat?' in this dragged out, irritated tone, and when I bring up stuff like rehearsals she goes 'uh, yeah...' and the conversations end there.
Okay, can we get something straight? YOU GUYS ASKED ME FOR A FAVOR. I didn't start this, this isn't even my trio, I shouldn't effing BE the one organizing everything and you respond with shitty attitude like that on top of everything else?! What the hell. Seriously.
Right I wasn't *that* mad back then but I was pretty annoyed... anyway the cellist had to go to All-State so we didn't end up practising that week. At all.
By this time I was getting pretty worried, so on Saturday I call the violinist to schedule practise on Sunday (All-State gets back Sat night) and he goes 'oh, I'm not free tomorrow. Anyway don't worry! We're just lacking in individual practise; if we all know our parts perfectly it'll be easy to put together!'
I ask him what he's busy with on Sunday and he says 'I have a Lit essay due on Monday.'
Okay. First of all, what kind of musician are you? What do you mean by put it together? You want to just kind of fit it to each other, get all the parts right, play it through without stopping, that's good enough? And what about all the nuance, the musicality portions of it, all the stuff that actually makes music music and makes Brahms so brilliant, just. Not going to work it at all? What is chamber music to you? Why do you even play if you're not going to take it seriously? 'But I do, I do take it seriously, I am taking it seriously it's not me it's the cellist' my ass. If you actually cared you would want to do it, you would want to play it, and obviously you could care less. YOU especially. If we were all not-so-good, still struggling with techniques and notes, fine, holding it together is good enough. You don't have that excuse. You're an excellent chamber musician. SO BLOODY HELL TAKE IT MORE SERIOUSLY YOU JERK.
Two, a Lit essay? Due Monday? Wait but it's Saturday night, you can FINISH IT EARLY IF YOU TRIED but are you going to try? No. Knowing you, you're probably watching anime. Pure laziness. Jerk.
He calls the cellist and she doesn't pick up, hup guess tomorrow's off.
On Monday I hijack the cellist (with a lot of effort) and try my hardest to schedule Tuesday, but apparently she 'might have a doctor's appointment' and she's 'definitely not free today either' and all of this I still have to pry out because both of them are being extremely difficult ('I don't know, ask her!' 'what?' 'yeah I know we need to practise... (now go away)') and I don't get anything except a vague 'maybe Wednesday' and by then I seriously considered dropping out. I went to Zarco and asked him about dropping out procedures and all and I asked my mom's opinion because I just didn't want to deal with this anymore.
I called the violinist to get the cellist's number because I deal with my issues in person not vaguely and IRRESPONSIBLY through other people (I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this has all built up through the past week and I really don't feel civil at all anymore) but of course... he doesn't pick up. Actually he hangs up on me, presumably he was in a class or something, and doesn't pick up later on.
Anyway I no longer bug them during Tues night rehearsal because I just don't want to deal with that resistance, that permeating aura of reluctance and irritation anymore. I feel like a drowning man trying to pull up two lead weights, all right?
So the violinist calls me to be emo about orchestra things and he's so damn sincere (I don't know, honestly depressed) and this is when I start forgiving him because I can never stay mad at people for very long and we talk and wtf is wrong with him, he's got a decently rational side to him, why can't he APPLY IT to his life instead of using it to complain all the time, what an idiot.
Wednesday I am v. annoyed at violinist's behavior in orchestra, he's sulking, it's so obvious, he doesn't even try like how he hasn't tried for like the past semester which just MIGHT be why Boitz doesn't like him anymore, ANYWAY. They schedule haphazardly a rehearsal at my house at 6:30.
At 6:30 they are not here. At 6:35 they are not here. At 6:40 I am talking to Tiffany about colleges on the phone because there is nothing else to do.
They get here at seven.
asjdgad;jgadjhgjadj;jdalk gah.
I would yell at them but what good what that do? It'd just waste time. And generally when dealing with people (esp. in person) I like to avoid unpleasantness, I mean it's so much easier just to remain civil, just not deal, you know?
The actual rehearsal was fairly enjoyable. It's Brahms. I love Brahms. And you can't really maintain any emotion while you're practising except that of the piece. Also, it was better, and they seem to be better; they agreed to practise again tomorrow (i.e. today) at the same time and Friday we have coaching, so if we practised after school after coaching we should be good for CMEA.
Well.
I asked about rehearsal at school (I meant during 7th because they were originally considering that) and the violinist says no, he doesn't think so, and I thought he was referring to seventh period, you know. And then when I call to check if they're coming at 6:30, he's like 'oh, I don't think we're rehearsing today. Cellist says she has some appointment or something.'
What the hell.
I'm just so tired of all of this. I don't want to work with people like this. I don't want to run around and be the annoying buzzing fly in your ear. I don't want to try and drag this up. I don't want to go and play a half-assed job at CMEA. On top of that... you guys asked me to do this. Seriously. I think that's one unfairness too many. Take up your share of the damn responsibility! When you cancel something, when you schedule something, you're supposed to call and notify the other members. That's good work ethic. Just. What the hell.
The one thing that's actually keeping me in here is the fact that I love Brahms and I love the piece and I want to play it. And that's just sad. I guess I'm just a sap.
I'm too tired after writing all that up even to be angry anymore. But I swear, I'm never working with people like this again. Ever. In Nodame Cantabile they have that scene where the oboe player is trying to form a chamber group and he's having sort of - informal interviews, or meet-ups with people, I suppose - and that cellist comes and he looks at his watch and thinks 'He's thirty minutes late. I can't work with him.' and then politely tells the guy 'Sorry, I can't work with you' and leaves. Yes.
This is the last time. Ever. I've stayed in this too long to pull out without feeling hypocritical (but who knows, I just may snap if something goes wrong tomorrow), but from now on if anyone gives me any more of that shit that's exactly what I'm doing. Sorry, can't work with you guys, BYE.
Fuckers.
Kudos to you if you made it through this entire rant.
edit: All right, to be completely fair, I realize you (cellist) are a junior. I realize you are probably busy as hell with junior year life. But if you are, just say so. Evasive, vague, put-off-y answers, 'oh, I don't know's and 'uhhhh I might have something's are unacceptable. If you need to cancel, notify people ahead of time; don't wait until they have to track you down and find out where the hell you are. If you have a lot of things to do, notify people of your schedule ahead of time. Not just 'oh yeah, I have stuff'. WHAT stuff? What day? What time? Make yourself clear. It's called responsibility, dammit.
I think I'll stop before this turns into another rant. ;;;;
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no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 05:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 05:22 am (UTC)yeah I am too nice. I'm such a bloody sap at heart. I should go to NYU and come back a total New York bitch and stab them both to death with stilettos.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 09:11 am (UTC)