(no subject)
May. 27th, 2007 10:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chu_totoromore profound truths of life:
It doesn't matter how long I've played cello. People aren't going to look at me and think, Oh, she's only played two and a half years, well then, she's pretty good considering THAT. People are going to look at me and see that I'm 16. And ultimately, that's all that's going to matter. Some people know, some people don't, but I'm not going to go up and be like, oh yeah, I only started 3 years ago, that excuses it. Life doesn't work like that. I'm already almost a junior, and that's all that's going to matter. No one cares whether I started late or not. It's self-demeaning and pointless, and if not either of these things, it's embarrassing.
So the only real solution is: practice until I catch up. Improve at the speed 2x, 3x, 4x the others do, catch up to them, surpass them, gogogo FIGHT~ Practice is the answer to everything. Credit to Alex Shiozaki.
I'm still. Going to catch up. To Alex someday. No, not Shiozaki, he's a violin hahaha. but YANG. omfg. Ignore the fact that he's the most hardworking overachiever person ever and I'm the laziest person on the face of the planet, ignore the fact that he's INSANE, ignore the odds, just. Forget about it. I'LL DO IT SOMEHOW. rawr.
hahahaha so let's see how this spell of self-discipline works out. If it doesn't work, maybe I have to go through more self-imposed computer bans again. Life was going fairly well until Spring Break. I'd prefer not to have to do that, though.
I kind of miss the days when my parents would impose the bans and stuff? They let me free now, basically, and it's a pretty heavy responsibility. x______x the only thing is, I HATE it when they control me, which is one of the only reasons I'm working so hard to control myself, so I don't have to fall under their jurisdiction again.
ah, the ironies of life.
OK time to get picked up on instrument practice again... after the uneventful wasted past month or two. _ _;
1556 edit: so after that little rant of life I practiced a lot and felt better. then ended up ditching dance and indulging in lovely Maya crack and imploding my brain. but I got relatively more achieved than I had planned. :) so life is good.
...I'm feeling a little crazy this afternoon. I swear I'm on drugs or something. The ensuing bits of crap and stupidity are lj-cut to prevent offending anyone.
TAYLOR'S TALE
Taylor loved Estevan
Estevan loved his wife (too bad)
So Taylor kept her distance
And tried not to be sad
Then one day home she comes
To find him on the couch
So then together they
Drank their small hearts out
So then they both get drunk
Tangled in a lump
& who can guess what happened next
I guess, you know, they humped
And Taylor was so happy!
I think she was in heaven
Ah- children! she thought
Silently: we ought to have, like, seven!
But then-- she woke up,
And she began to scream
For she'd slept alone, upon her bed
And all that was a dream
Oh, Taylor cried and cried
She truly wished to die
So then she did, and had
Her way-- committed suicide!
the end.
I have this desire just to go somewhere, y'know? Like into a throng of people. And thread my way through all the way to the center and get up on a stool or something, then burst out in BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA wild crazy maniacal laughter. That ever happen to you?
2114 edit: I know, I know. posting way too much on LJ lately. call it a bad habit.
but omg.
Biking that double cross-y turn from Saratoga Avenue on to my street at 9 pm?
Just. Totally not worth it.
The cars don't see me! I mean, they just don't see me. I stopped twice, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, not like at the little island in the middle between the two ongoing bits of traffic where I usually stop which is dangerous enough anyway, but smack in the middle. To let a stray car pass me. Twice! Because they just didn't see me! I mean, after I stopped they sped right past me and didn't even notice then. By all rights they should have let me pass, but if I had gone on they wouldn't have seen me until I was lying in the middle of the road with my brains splattered out. Seriously. I felt like an invisible ninja. Or like I was in Taiwan.
And, while I navigate well enough now, it just gets kind of tiring. I mean it doesn't seem that scary, they're just cars, right? It just seems kind of whatever. But rationally, I wonder if one day I'm just going to space out and then I WILL end up with my brains in the middle of the road and my parents will die of grief and I will have been a very, very bad daughter indeed. Filial piety, y'know. It just makes me wonder, while I'm threading through the cars, in this dispassionate fashion, what would happen then...?
Yet, the safer route home. Has no streetlights. Oh me oh my. Saratoga's too safe a district for streetlights.
It doesn't matter how long I've played cello. People aren't going to look at me and think, Oh, she's only played two and a half years, well then, she's pretty good considering THAT. People are going to look at me and see that I'm 16. And ultimately, that's all that's going to matter. Some people know, some people don't, but I'm not going to go up and be like, oh yeah, I only started 3 years ago, that excuses it. Life doesn't work like that. I'm already almost a junior, and that's all that's going to matter. No one cares whether I started late or not. It's self-demeaning and pointless, and if not either of these things, it's embarrassing.
So the only real solution is: practice until I catch up. Improve at the speed 2x, 3x, 4x the others do, catch up to them, surpass them, gogogo FIGHT~ Practice is the answer to everything. Credit to Alex Shiozaki.
I'm still. Going to catch up. To Alex someday. No, not Shiozaki, he's a violin hahaha. but YANG. omfg. Ignore the fact that he's the most hardworking overachiever person ever and I'm the laziest person on the face of the planet, ignore the fact that he's INSANE, ignore the odds, just. Forget about it. I'LL DO IT SOMEHOW. rawr.
hahahaha so let's see how this spell of self-discipline works out. If it doesn't work, maybe I have to go through more self-imposed computer bans again. Life was going fairly well until Spring Break. I'd prefer not to have to do that, though.
I kind of miss the days when my parents would impose the bans and stuff? They let me free now, basically, and it's a pretty heavy responsibility. x______x the only thing is, I HATE it when they control me, which is one of the only reasons I'm working so hard to control myself, so I don't have to fall under their jurisdiction again.
ah, the ironies of life.
OK time to get picked up on instrument practice again... after the uneventful wasted past month or two. _ _;
1556 edit: so after that little rant of life I practiced a lot and felt better. then ended up ditching dance and indulging in lovely Maya crack and imploding my brain. but I got relatively more achieved than I had planned. :) so life is good.
...I'm feeling a little crazy this afternoon. I swear I'm on drugs or something. The ensuing bits of crap and stupidity are lj-cut to prevent offending anyone.
TAYLOR'S TALE
Taylor loved Estevan
Estevan loved his wife (too bad)
So Taylor kept her distance
And tried not to be sad
Then one day home she comes
To find him on the couch
So then together they
Drank their small hearts out
So then they both get drunk
Tangled in a lump
& who can guess what happened next
I guess, you know, they humped
And Taylor was so happy!
I think she was in heaven
Ah- children! she thought
Silently: we ought to have, like, seven!
But then-- she woke up,
And she began to scream
For she'd slept alone, upon her bed
And all that was a dream
Oh, Taylor cried and cried
She truly wished to die
So then she did, and had
Her way-- committed suicide!
the end.
I have this desire just to go somewhere, y'know? Like into a throng of people. And thread my way through all the way to the center and get up on a stool or something, then burst out in BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA wild crazy maniacal laughter. That ever happen to you?
2114 edit: I know, I know. posting way too much on LJ lately. call it a bad habit.
but omg.
Biking that double cross-y turn from Saratoga Avenue on to my street at 9 pm?
Just. Totally not worth it.
The cars don't see me! I mean, they just don't see me. I stopped twice, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, not like at the little island in the middle between the two ongoing bits of traffic where I usually stop which is dangerous enough anyway, but smack in the middle. To let a stray car pass me. Twice! Because they just didn't see me! I mean, after I stopped they sped right past me and didn't even notice then. By all rights they should have let me pass, but if I had gone on they wouldn't have seen me until I was lying in the middle of the road with my brains splattered out. Seriously. I felt like an invisible ninja. Or like I was in Taiwan.
And, while I navigate well enough now, it just gets kind of tiring. I mean it doesn't seem that scary, they're just cars, right? It just seems kind of whatever. But rationally, I wonder if one day I'm just going to space out and then I WILL end up with my brains in the middle of the road and my parents will die of grief and I will have been a very, very bad daughter indeed. Filial piety, y'know. It just makes me wonder, while I'm threading through the cars, in this dispassionate fashion, what would happen then...?
Yet, the safer route home. Has no streetlights. Oh me oh my. Saratoga's too safe a district for streetlights.
