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Mar. 2nd, 2009 03:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chu_totoroIt's strange. There are so many things I would like to say to a friend of mine - whom I actually see around all the time - but for some reason we never seem to talk, or when we do, we talk about inconsequential things. And when we do I think of more things I could say later, when we have time to talk privately, but then we never do and I never say them.
And I think this is almost an all-around thing. Except in most cases, I don't even have anything I want to say to people outside the inconsequential stuff. And it really makes me wonder - what am I doing? Who am I? What am I living for?
I feel as though I've lost my ability to care and can't get it back. It's easy enough to laugh and joke with others, to talk and to chat and to babble, but at the end of the day it all seems so shallow. So empty. We talk and we talk, but what do we talk about? Nothing, nothing, nothing.
I think maybe I've lost the focus to my life because I no longer know what I'm fighting for. Or rather, there is nothing left for me right now that I genuinely want to fight for. I don't know. Maybe I'm stressed. But I don't think so. I distinctly recall being far, far more stressed in junior year and it wasn't like this. The work right now is nothing. Easy. I can handle it. It's more like I have a life and I'm living it, but I don't know why I'm living it. I go through all the damn motions without feeling anything. All the colors seeped out of the world when I wasn't looking and now I can't, I can't get them back...
And I think this is almost an all-around thing. Except in most cases, I don't even have anything I want to say to people outside the inconsequential stuff. And it really makes me wonder - what am I doing? Who am I? What am I living for?
I feel as though I've lost my ability to care and can't get it back. It's easy enough to laugh and joke with others, to talk and to chat and to babble, but at the end of the day it all seems so shallow. So empty. We talk and we talk, but what do we talk about? Nothing, nothing, nothing.
I think maybe I've lost the focus to my life because I no longer know what I'm fighting for. Or rather, there is nothing left for me right now that I genuinely want to fight for. I don't know. Maybe I'm stressed. But I don't think so. I distinctly recall being far, far more stressed in junior year and it wasn't like this. The work right now is nothing. Easy. I can handle it. It's more like I have a life and I'm living it, but I don't know why I'm living it. I go through all the damn motions without feeling anything. All the colors seeped out of the world when I wasn't looking and now I can't, I can't get them back...
