Birthday... cello...
Aug. 15th, 2005 04:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chu_totoroIt's my mom's birthday today. And I totally forgot. She's not acting like it's her birthday, but still....
And I had my cello class, and my teacher... damn it, she advised me to quit cello. Okay, it's not exactly the way it sounds, but if you want to boil it down into a summary, that's about it. She had plenty of reasons... and the thing is, I found myself agreeing with a number of them.
1. I didn't want to take cello in the first place. My mom made me so I can join the school orchestra.
2. The other people who started around the time I did... are waaay better than me now. >>
3. I'm the only one that takes more than 1 instrument.
4. It's summer, and I'm not doing well. What will I do when school starts?
The problem is, she says, that I've been playing for over a year and I'm still missing the "spark"... hm... how to say it... like the drive to practice. I know exactly what she's talking about from personal experience with piano, and she's right...
Which is kind of unfair, when I think about it, because if I were put back with my old teacher I can certainly assume that she'd be overjoyed with my progress so far. Of course, you don't get anywhere without a pushy teacher. But I don't really like cello...
Ah, crap, I don't know what I'm saying. No seriously. I had stuff I wanted to say, but everything I've typed above.. it's not it. I can't get my thoughts in a logical route. It'd be easier if I were talking to someone, but I can't organize it and get it down on paper.....
And it's almost too late to give up. School's almost started, and my mom's applied for orchestra already and on my new schedule I'm IN the orchestra... though there's still time to drop that class. I don't know. I know that somewhere in my heart, the thought of dropping cello really really does appeal to me, but somewhere else is having trouble letting it go..... I mean, all that effort will just go to waste... but then my teacher had asked me "Would you rather go through with this and waste another year before you give it up?" She's seen right through me. Because that would likely happen, too. Except... no, it probably won't. If I went through with it now, I think I'll be stuck with it forever because a year from now I'll definitely not be able to give it up and I'll be stuck playing cello halfheartedly for the rest of my life >>
Crud, I have no idea what I'm saying. I think I'll just stop here now. I think pre-menstrual syndrome is confusing me. At least, I'm confused, at any rate. I've succeeded in thoroughly confusing myself.
Maybe I'll go find some temporary relief in FFR... and work on my LJ entry and forget about all of this for a while. The logical side of my brain still functions somewhat, and I have a feeling that PMS might be affecting my judgement, and lots of other things, besides.
This makes me miss CTY. I didn't have to worry about anything like this in CTY. It was like another life. Somewhere where you wipe the slate clean and start over. A fleeting dream...
...when the dream ends, you might cling to remnants..... leftover pieces... but it's never the same again...
Edit: Ah, what was that? Ha, look at all the crap that I wrote. I have an urge to delete this post, because I don't want to think about what others will think when they read it, but I won't because then I'll feel like I have something to hide >>
And I had my cello class, and my teacher... damn it, she advised me to quit cello. Okay, it's not exactly the way it sounds, but if you want to boil it down into a summary, that's about it. She had plenty of reasons... and the thing is, I found myself agreeing with a number of them.
1. I didn't want to take cello in the first place. My mom made me so I can join the school orchestra.
2. The other people who started around the time I did... are waaay better than me now. >>
3. I'm the only one that takes more than 1 instrument.
4. It's summer, and I'm not doing well. What will I do when school starts?
The problem is, she says, that I've been playing for over a year and I'm still missing the "spark"... hm... how to say it... like the drive to practice. I know exactly what she's talking about from personal experience with piano, and she's right...
Which is kind of unfair, when I think about it, because if I were put back with my old teacher I can certainly assume that she'd be overjoyed with my progress so far. Of course, you don't get anywhere without a pushy teacher. But I don't really like cello...
Ah, crap, I don't know what I'm saying. No seriously. I had stuff I wanted to say, but everything I've typed above.. it's not it. I can't get my thoughts in a logical route. It'd be easier if I were talking to someone, but I can't organize it and get it down on paper.....
And it's almost too late to give up. School's almost started, and my mom's applied for orchestra already and on my new schedule I'm IN the orchestra... though there's still time to drop that class. I don't know. I know that somewhere in my heart, the thought of dropping cello really really does appeal to me, but somewhere else is having trouble letting it go..... I mean, all that effort will just go to waste... but then my teacher had asked me "Would you rather go through with this and waste another year before you give it up?" She's seen right through me. Because that would likely happen, too. Except... no, it probably won't. If I went through with it now, I think I'll be stuck with it forever because a year from now I'll definitely not be able to give it up and I'll be stuck playing cello halfheartedly for the rest of my life >>
Crud, I have no idea what I'm saying. I think I'll just stop here now. I think pre-menstrual syndrome is confusing me. At least, I'm confused, at any rate. I've succeeded in thoroughly confusing myself.
Maybe I'll go find some temporary relief in FFR... and work on my LJ entry and forget about all of this for a while. The logical side of my brain still functions somewhat, and I have a feeling that PMS might be affecting my judgement, and lots of other things, besides.
This makes me miss CTY. I didn't have to worry about anything like this in CTY. It was like another life. Somewhere where you wipe the slate clean and start over. A fleeting dream...
...when the dream ends, you might cling to remnants..... leftover pieces... but it's never the same again...
Edit: Ah, what was that? Ha, look at all the crap that I wrote. I have an urge to delete this post, because I don't want to think about what others will think when they read it, but I won't because then I'll feel like I have something to hide >>
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-15 08:35 pm (UTC)And I don't think you should get rid of the post. I have already seen it, obviously, and I kind of regret putting some of my CTY entries behind private. The only person who saw them were Mel, and that's the only person I wanted to see them. But you have nothing to hide now, it's all been seen and there's nothing to worry about. You should have seen the crap I put in my posts.
Hehe..FFR. Aren't you glad I posted about it? :D
no subject
Date: 2005-08-16 01:51 am (UTC)Anyways, you've got to give my mom some leeway. She's been really busy setting up her new company and all (yes, she's opening a company. Of her own)... she's usually pretty liberal. I think if you just make a comparison between her attitude and Deb's mom's towards the totoro party, I think you can see that. _ _;;
Ha, yes, I like the feeling of having nothing to hide. Then people can't gossip much about you because they know everything already. Can't attempt to guess at your secrets or whatever. =) This is why nearly all of my posts are public. Come to think of it, I think I'll make the "story" one public too. I don't know why I made it friend's only in the first place. ;_; (And I think I might've seen one or two of your posts before they went private... heh)
no subject
Date: 2005-08-25 07:47 pm (UTC)my teacher: she's very strict...some of my students were so scarred from her when they came to me its very saddening. and i heard a lot of people quit cello since she pushes them around..
um..i think thats how it went. i might be exaggerating a bit...but that certainly stopped my mom.
thats too bad cuz cello is fun. really.
i hate sight-reading. XP
it sucks so much that eliza has private posts. i wouldnt pester if i could see them. ...if you didnt pester me. haha.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-15 10:25 pm (UTC)CTY is where none of the ordinary middle/high school rules apply, where you can cut loose and live. Man, I miss it, but I don't really regret outgrowing it. Just wait till Passionfruit. ^^
no subject
Date: 2005-08-16 01:53 am (UTC)