some days i wonder

what goes on in my snakes' heads at night. what are they thinking, as they slither up and test the corners of the cage with their heads? how far can they see when they press their faces to the glass? what does the glass taste like, to them?

do they want to get out? do they like to sunbathe? do they not think that deeply about any of this and only have the vague sensations of "mmmm warm" and "huh?" and "FOOD"?

they're so cute <3

<3

had a most lovely conversation with my chinese professor today.

had another conversation over skype which was... a very mixed experience, haha.

so i've learned to check my inner self when it's hurting and wants to kill something, and maybe i've taken a step into the fog

and the question is: now what?

still feel like shit

maybe life is all about forcing yourself to ignore when you feel like shit and still get what you want to do done, so that you either stop feeling like shit in the process or at least don't sabotage your own chances of happiness later by going on a rampage and then having to pick up after yourself when you've calmed down again

i've noticed that any sort of physical activity helps. i feel happy when i go to the rsf with albert (my bball buddy and pseudo-coach!<3) and there's something to focus on, (the hoop, the arms) and when you're running to a certain point your heart's going and the blood's going to your head and all the thoughts just go out the window.

i miss piano so, so, so much

it's like

if i had a piano

i would know how to scream