.... Today was pretty ridiculous.

( Venting. Read at your own risk. )

Edit: Back from Chinese New Year gathering thing. Total red envelope earnings this year: $465. I AM RICH WOMAN!!! Fweee~ *happy happy*

( laah rant-ish thing )

Edit: Aah! .___. My perception of the word "fweet" has changed forever oh no~

Edit: ( Taiwanese ambassador thing )

I admire that guy for his nerve. And having the guts to do what he wants to do. .... heyy that kinda correlates to my rant above. Hahaha.

We also had very interesting AIM stories tonight. Louis and Del wrote Alex//Eliza bad!porn. Mel said she would post it sometime. I'll leave it to her. It's 1 AM. x.o Time for bed.

Had Chinese today. Will start working at library tomorrow.

... I'd like to go to see the concert today, but 1) it costs money, which leads to 2) I'm Asian, and 3) it also happens to help me spite Tiff (ah, childish quarrels...) since she didn't come to OUR concert... and on top of that 4) I need a ride. So... I guess I'm not going. Sad.

Totally, totally forgot there was a Bio test today. Eh 'twas ridiculously easy, though, so it didn't matter. Finished in ~10 minutes and spent the rest of the time doing Eng hw. A very prolific period.

Francisco didn't even COME to orchestra this morning. Spent the period sitting around, and mainly messing around in the practice rooms with Yang and Ariel 'til Tiff and Jenn came and we realized that the period had ended. ...

Stayed in there during tutorial and did Eng hw. Somebody started playing trumpet outside the door. It was very loud.

Edit: While procrastinating, I decided to waste my time trying to make the CTY song on Louis' LJ fit more to the actual meter of the song... ( Wow. It still totally sucks. And rhyming went to hell. But whatever. )

Edit: Omfg I hate my parents. Couldn't they at least ASK me before they reschedule something? Do they never consider that I might have something to do?

... piano lesson moved to effin' THREE forty-five tomorrow. Ugh. I feel really bad because I can't help Jennifer at the library, andand... AGH.

And I hate the way my dad decides to tell me this. He KNOWS I don't know. But he can't come by and tell me "Your piano lesson got moved." He has to go, "I'll pick you up early tomorrow." "Oh, it's fine, I can walk..." "No, I'm picking you up early." "Why?" "Piano." "What?" "You heard me." "But..." *moves off* "WAIT!" "What?!" "Tomorrow is Thursday!" "I know that." "It's not Friday!" "I know that." "My lesson's on Friday!" "No it's not." "Yes it is." "It got moved to tomorrow, all right?! So get all of your books on my car tonight." "WHAT? Wait when?" "I said tomorrow." "Well when tomorrow?" "3:45." ... etc.

Gawd. It annoys the heck out of me. GRAAH.

Edit: Fack. I can't even practice my instruments because a stupid guest is over and he wants me to wait. "Later, please." Later? What, like two hours from now when I COULD've been going to bed but obviously not anymore?

... sigh. *shuts up* I'm being bitchy.

The computer. Finally. Somewhere where I can chat. And talk. And communicate. Without hurting the goddamned throat every time I speak.

( Yes, I'm going to be a whiny bitch. Don't read if you don't want to be overloaded with crap. )

That was the longest shitload of crap I've written in a long, long time. People, don't read unless you really have nothing to do. Right now I have no life. Leastwise, not much of a life. You guys do... don't waste your time on my stupid stupid stupid complaints.

I'madorkI'madorkI'madorkAAAAAAAH~

Edit: Oh yeah, while talking to Tiff at lunch she decided she wants Mulan and Greenday among other stuff and omg she has an entire FOB CD she got through illegit means must leech~ She also wants FY, btw...

Screw this. I picked up a pen and uncapped it and attempted to fill out the damn Timesheet for Thursday. And I looked at it, sitting there, and I couldn't. I chucked the pen somewhere across the room and very nearly tore it apart again.

I think I'm angry because I know I don't practice a full hour of piano every day and I don't do the full 80 minutes that I need for cello. And I know it and he knows it and I know he knows it, and he's just making me write it down so he can have written proof against me.

The thing is, who does? Tell me, if you had three instruments, would you practice each of them fully every day? I think I already practice more than a number of people.

It's just... making my instrument teachers happy isn't enough for him. He has to hear me practice fully. ALL OF IT. Which is so ridiculous I want to cry because no one does that. No one. I have an excellent lesson, he might be happier, but no, if he doesn't hear me practice one day, I'm in trouble. Screw the excellent lesson.

He wants an excuse to throw me off the computer. If it's written on paper, he can do it. He can be like "You haven't practiced enough at all. Get off. You're grounded." And I can argue that my lessons are good and it won't do a thing with him because he's just twisted like that.

I hate him. I can guess what he thinks. Because he just has to be a fucking handicap, staying home all day with nothing to do except downloading illegal stuff from the internet and upgrading computers and watching TV and swimming. And doing who-knows-what. And now I'm the only one home. And all of his attention is focused on me. And he just has to monitor every single thing I do because he's a damn control freak.

PARANOID PARANOID PARANOID PARANOID

Ah, fuck. I don't want to be crying when I'm at school. At least it's only 6:30.

I'm filled with resentment and I just can't let it out anywhereanywhereaaanywhere because no matter what I do the stupid timesheet still sits there. And when I see it my heart flies into a rage and I'm absolutely furious with him. But there's nothing I can do to let out my fury. I can rant and rant and rant and chuck things around my room (not smart) and even throw a tantrum if I wanted to but it won't help at the the end it'll still be there. And there's no escaping him. Why can't he let me operate my life the way I want to? I swear, the computer WON'T KILL ME.

(It's like I have so much anger bottled up and ready to explode except I can't let it explode and I can only hold it back to small explosions that accidentally slip out here and there but I can never never never never allow it to really explode because then I'll go full-out rebellion and he'll just take the computer away and it'll be stupid stupid stupid and my reasonable brain tells me this and I won't let it happen but IT JUST MAKES ME MAD AS HELL AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT)

Edit: The best course of action, I guess, would be to actually practice them all every day as long as I'm supposed to. And use the computer less. When dealing with my parents I can't do anything except swallow my pride - at least I'm capable of that, when the need arises, else my computer would be long gone by now. Of course, that doesn't make me any less furious or any less rebellious... What I do and what I think are now completely separate.

>< I should just go to school. School will be a welcome relief, after all these disasterous events at home.

Edit: Yay. I'm happier now. School def. helped. Amy's home hobbling around with a cane on a twisted ankle because she fell down the stairs (there weren't any crutches her size). Rofl if it weren't for her hair you could easily say she was an old woman, looking at her from the back.

Didn't do any of my hw last night, so finished them during orchestra, tutorial, and drived. Made me feel somewhat more productive.

Also glad that I no longer wish to rip the damn timesheet in half every time I look at it. Very very glad that the white-hot raging sensation of pure fury has boiled down. 'Twas scary. I've never felt so unearthly angry before, save the time when Adam slapped me across the face when I was little and talked his way out of it with rounded lies and actually made it into my fault.

Wheee~ Now I just feel... resigned. But I'm glad that I'll be able to fill out the timesheet without destroying any pens or ripping it up or damaging any of my other personal possessions. (-looks pointedly at Eliza- Your advice always seems somewhat... ......)

Today was not a good day.

( Long ramble/rant )

Yeah. And now I'm pissed and annoyed and bitchy and the cramps still will not stop and I just want to go sulk in a corner and stay there. Except I can't because sooner or later I'll be bugged to practice cello and koto and be asked to make a neat graph of the time I spent on the computer. Well I just spent 20 pure minutes ranting. What do you care, dad?! What do you care?!

(And the fact that I'm PMSing through all of this is decidedly not helping...)

Edit: Cello was deathly painful. Stayed with it through exercises and Orchestra music (it was new music which kept me interested and somewhat distracted) but did NOT get to Romberg sonata. And I have class tomorrow. Despite the fact that I just had class the day before yesterday. So I can have a bad lesson. And my dad can ground me from the comp. even though it's unrelated. ......... URK.