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chu_totoroI dreamed last night.
I had a dream that Amy died.
And she knew she was going to die and it was just like she was leaving like how she usually leaves for Berkeley and everything was all calm and peaceful and she told us to feed the fish and then there was a brief interlude where she fed the fish one last time and all the little fish in the fish tank suddenly became giant monsters and the water level in the fish tank went down and I had to fill it to make sure the fish didn't die and it was the oddest dream.
Then... she just left. I didn't "see" her die. She just kind of left with a farewell and I'll miss you and some other last words that I can't remember now. And it wasn't a major event. She left, and life just was.
Then I was walking towards the kitchen and I was thinking about what just happened and I suddenly realized that I would never see her, never hear her, never talk to her again. Ever. And I started crying in my dream. And woke up. And was still crying.
It took me a few minutes to calm down and realize the dream wasn't true. It didn't happen. And right at that moment I really really really wished no one I knew would ever die. But it's an inevitable truth....
After that I was unable to go back to sleep. I tried, but I was freezing. I left the window open last night and my room is literally an iceberg. I'm dead serious. >< I can barely type right now because my hands are freezing up, even though the window is now closed. ...I seem to be freezing up a lot lately.
So now I'm sitting here, isolated, alone, freezing, typing up an entry on the computer, and my room looks dead as ever and Rice looks so peacefully asleep he may as well be dead. That was how Buddy looked when we found him dead. Just like he was asleep.
...I wish someone were here with me. Someone alive and real and warm who could talk to me and comfort me and tell me not to be stupid. But there isn't. So I'll stay here, in the cold and the dark, stay here freezing on the computer chair, and contemplate the true meaning behind life and death.
Edit: >< I think I'm just being moody again. But it was honestly a depressing dream.
I had a dream that Amy died.
And she knew she was going to die and it was just like she was leaving like how she usually leaves for Berkeley and everything was all calm and peaceful and she told us to feed the fish and then there was a brief interlude where she fed the fish one last time and all the little fish in the fish tank suddenly became giant monsters and the water level in the fish tank went down and I had to fill it to make sure the fish didn't die and it was the oddest dream.
Then... she just left. I didn't "see" her die. She just kind of left with a farewell and I'll miss you and some other last words that I can't remember now. And it wasn't a major event. She left, and life just was.
Then I was walking towards the kitchen and I was thinking about what just happened and I suddenly realized that I would never see her, never hear her, never talk to her again. Ever. And I started crying in my dream. And woke up. And was still crying.
It took me a few minutes to calm down and realize the dream wasn't true. It didn't happen. And right at that moment I really really really wished no one I knew would ever die. But it's an inevitable truth....
After that I was unable to go back to sleep. I tried, but I was freezing. I left the window open last night and my room is literally an iceberg. I'm dead serious. >< I can barely type right now because my hands are freezing up, even though the window is now closed. ...I seem to be freezing up a lot lately.
So now I'm sitting here, isolated, alone, freezing, typing up an entry on the computer, and my room looks dead as ever and Rice looks so peacefully asleep he may as well be dead. That was how Buddy looked when we found him dead. Just like he was asleep.
...I wish someone were here with me. Someone alive and real and warm who could talk to me and comfort me and tell me not to be stupid. But there isn't. So I'll stay here, in the cold and the dark, stay here freezing on the computer chair, and contemplate the true meaning behind life and death.
Edit: >< I think I'm just being moody again. But it was honestly a depressing dream.
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 11:16 am (UTC)Mm. That is depressing. But still. Do you really want to live forever... and ever... and ever?
no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 11:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 10:20 pm (UTC)*(-_-)* ~this is me. Status: Not dead. In the 3rd dimension. Temperature: 98.6°F. *Blah Blah Blah,* I say. *Aww, feel better...you better feel better soon...,* I implore. *Don't be stupid,* I suggest.
I'd rather stay young forever... and have everyone stay young right with me! And maybe have some excitement in my forever-young life too. I'd rather have eternal youth than be immortal. Not much you can do when you're an old geezer in a retirement home, just wrinkling on through eternity.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 10:46 pm (UTC)I'm glad you're not dead. ^^ -hug- And thanks, I do feel better (the fact that it's no longer pitch dark and my room is no longer an iceberg helped much...), and I'll try not to be stupid. <-- the latter is rather difficult, though.
But are you suggesting freezing age just as it is? What of our parents? Grandparents? Do they stay their age and keep on working and never retire or do they.... thinking about this is confusing me. >< I think... I'll just let life be. Yeah. We live, we die, it's a circle of life... even if it's painful to accept. Urk AAAAAAH I don't want to think about this anymore...