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Feb. 24th, 2009 10:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chu_totoroI get the feeling that my life is attached to the world by such a thin thread... and I wouldn't mind snapping it and cutting off connections altogether.
I don't have a goal ahead of me anymore. I'm just drifting aimlessly, letting the waves wash me from here to there without really caring. Everything I do, I do out of a sense of duty rather than any real desire to do it. I want somewhere to stay, but there is nowhere to stay so I keep drifting.
I want to snap into zombie mode so that I stop thinking, period. And then time just passes. But that's too hard with the kind of classes I'm taking this year. Maybe I can ease myself into extreme practice mode enough to equate; practice blanks out the mind too. Rather, it makes you concentrate on practice and you think of nothing else, which is similar to concentrating on busywork and thinking of nothing else, except perhaps a little better for the soul in the long run.
I just want something to do, to occupy my time, and block out thought.
Or maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and all of this will seem retarded and impossible, because that happens too. Blame tonight on a hormonal imbalance in the brain? That wouldn't be so bad.
I don't have a goal ahead of me anymore. I'm just drifting aimlessly, letting the waves wash me from here to there without really caring. Everything I do, I do out of a sense of duty rather than any real desire to do it. I want somewhere to stay, but there is nowhere to stay so I keep drifting.
I want to snap into zombie mode so that I stop thinking, period. And then time just passes. But that's too hard with the kind of classes I'm taking this year. Maybe I can ease myself into extreme practice mode enough to equate; practice blanks out the mind too. Rather, it makes you concentrate on practice and you think of nothing else, which is similar to concentrating on busywork and thinking of nothing else, except perhaps a little better for the soul in the long run.
I just want something to do, to occupy my time, and block out thought.
Or maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and all of this will seem retarded and impossible, because that happens too. Blame tonight on a hormonal imbalance in the brain? That wouldn't be so bad.
