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decide that i'm crazy or you can decide that i have my point too. what is important is that if i let the fact that someone decides i'm crazy get to me, then i'm losing the game.
i used to get really upset because i thought that when somebody decides that i'm crazy (if, say, i lose my temper and tell them something they don't want to hear), it meant that i had to be "perfect" and always be in control &watch everything i say around them just to avoid being thought of as crazy, which seemed totally unfair. and i guess in a sense it is unfair, but the world isn't really about what is unfair. it is about what is real. and if i assume it is fair, then i'm just going to drive myself up the wall with everything that happens to be out of alignment with my idea of fairness (which is most probably not everyone's idea of fairness)
this time i'm going to let it go. i'm not going to try to prove to this person that i'm not crazy, i'm just going to accept the fact that they think i'm crazy. and rude, and selfish, and whatever else they think. if we meet again (which is doubtful), i'm not going to waste time trying to change their opinion of me, even if i think it's a pity things turned out this way. i'm not going to waste time brooding over how unfair it is - it's unfair that my brother died. it's unfair that some kids are born with a million dollars given them to spend and others are given nothing. i don't brood over that. i'm not going to brood over the fact that people aren't going to adhere to my standards of fairness (and considering that i believe it's ok for people to have different beliefs, i shouldn't expect them to anyway). speaking of which, there are people who adore/admire me for no particular reason, and maybe that's unfair in the other direction ;)
this is really hard for me. my first instinct is to fume and choke up, and then try really hard to convince the other person that i'm right and they're wrong. i don't think it's particularly useful to do that, and while a good alternative would be to have a win-win situation (negotiation), i think it's also wise not to try to convince everybody in the world because some people really don't want the win-win. they get to a point where they want you to lose and them to win, and there's some point in time where you're going to spend so much time convincing somebody who isn't inclined to be cooperative (and likely failing) that it just isn't worth the time or the effort. would you spend so much time trying to negotiate with a little kid throwing a tantrum?
i think i'm slowly getting better, though. step-by-step. i've been doing more of the things i fear. what i find is it doesn't work if it's sprung on me at high intensity, like today at our first dance group meeting. they wanted a rep from each group and i was terrified that they'd make us freestyle or smth, so i absolutely refused to go. (it turns out they played ninja, which i would've loved-____-ll). but if it's not so far a step from what you've been doing, and i prep and prep and prep myself, i still end up wavering 50% of the time but at least something's happening.
i agree with scott's point that you learn faster if you force yourself to do concentrated, painful bursts outside your comfort zone (for shorter amts of time) than sticking to the flow, which may even lead you to never improve (sticking to the same phrases, never experimenting w/new grammar... etc). but for those things that i fear to do, i find that habit is so great that if i set an overly large goal, i end up chickening out at the last minute. so i think i'm going to go small at first. slow and steady, then build up momentum.
we'll see how that goes~!
in other news, learned my good friend today was rejected by his girl. sad. :(
edit: i guess what i can do is extend a hand out to this person every so often and say, "hey, you sure you don't want to be friends again?" without necessarily sucking up to them and being like "you're totally right, i'm so wrong, forgive me now!" i can say that without straying from my beliefs (namely that we both have valid concerns) and i can make it clear too. and if they don't want to then... their loss! haha.
in this case i really probably won't see her again, but this would be a useful reference for the future.
this reminds me, one of the people i've been meaning to make friends with disappeared off the face of the earth. :( i wish i contacted him more last semester, because now it turns out i don't have his email or phone number or anything, and short of bumping into him on campus i don't know if i'll ever see him again! my mom says i should try and hunt him down, but 1) i'm not sure where to start and 2) i feel a little bit uncomfortable actively hunting someone down just because i want to be friends with them ;;
i will start with people who ARE around that i want to be friends with but am not yet. tmr class!
i used to get really upset because i thought that when somebody decides that i'm crazy (if, say, i lose my temper and tell them something they don't want to hear), it meant that i had to be "perfect" and always be in control &watch everything i say around them just to avoid being thought of as crazy, which seemed totally unfair. and i guess in a sense it is unfair, but the world isn't really about what is unfair. it is about what is real. and if i assume it is fair, then i'm just going to drive myself up the wall with everything that happens to be out of alignment with my idea of fairness (which is most probably not everyone's idea of fairness)
this time i'm going to let it go. i'm not going to try to prove to this person that i'm not crazy, i'm just going to accept the fact that they think i'm crazy. and rude, and selfish, and whatever else they think. if we meet again (which is doubtful), i'm not going to waste time trying to change their opinion of me, even if i think it's a pity things turned out this way. i'm not going to waste time brooding over how unfair it is - it's unfair that my brother died. it's unfair that some kids are born with a million dollars given them to spend and others are given nothing. i don't brood over that. i'm not going to brood over the fact that people aren't going to adhere to my standards of fairness (and considering that i believe it's ok for people to have different beliefs, i shouldn't expect them to anyway). speaking of which, there are people who adore/admire me for no particular reason, and maybe that's unfair in the other direction ;)
this is really hard for me. my first instinct is to fume and choke up, and then try really hard to convince the other person that i'm right and they're wrong. i don't think it's particularly useful to do that, and while a good alternative would be to have a win-win situation (negotiation), i think it's also wise not to try to convince everybody in the world because some people really don't want the win-win. they get to a point where they want you to lose and them to win, and there's some point in time where you're going to spend so much time convincing somebody who isn't inclined to be cooperative (and likely failing) that it just isn't worth the time or the effort. would you spend so much time trying to negotiate with a little kid throwing a tantrum?
i think i'm slowly getting better, though. step-by-step. i've been doing more of the things i fear. what i find is it doesn't work if it's sprung on me at high intensity, like today at our first dance group meeting. they wanted a rep from each group and i was terrified that they'd make us freestyle or smth, so i absolutely refused to go. (it turns out they played ninja, which i would've loved-____-ll). but if it's not so far a step from what you've been doing, and i prep and prep and prep myself, i still end up wavering 50% of the time but at least something's happening.
i agree with scott's point that you learn faster if you force yourself to do concentrated, painful bursts outside your comfort zone (for shorter amts of time) than sticking to the flow, which may even lead you to never improve (sticking to the same phrases, never experimenting w/new grammar... etc). but for those things that i fear to do, i find that habit is so great that if i set an overly large goal, i end up chickening out at the last minute. so i think i'm going to go small at first. slow and steady, then build up momentum.
we'll see how that goes~!
in other news, learned my good friend today was rejected by his girl. sad. :(
edit: i guess what i can do is extend a hand out to this person every so often and say, "hey, you sure you don't want to be friends again?" without necessarily sucking up to them and being like "you're totally right, i'm so wrong, forgive me now!" i can say that without straying from my beliefs (namely that we both have valid concerns) and i can make it clear too. and if they don't want to then... their loss! haha.
in this case i really probably won't see her again, but this would be a useful reference for the future.
this reminds me, one of the people i've been meaning to make friends with disappeared off the face of the earth. :( i wish i contacted him more last semester, because now it turns out i don't have his email or phone number or anything, and short of bumping into him on campus i don't know if i'll ever see him again! my mom says i should try and hunt him down, but 1) i'm not sure where to start and 2) i feel a little bit uncomfortable actively hunting someone down just because i want to be friends with them ;;
i will start with people who ARE around that i want to be friends with but am not yet. tmr class!
