i am so, so grateful

for the wonderful people I have the privilege of calling friends

I love you all

(including the piano, and the cello, and the plethora of stuffed animals sitting around me)

I don't know how to explain this feeling in my chest, but

I know I've been slowly coming back to life over the past two years

wooho's gonna call me a crybaby

shut up

thanks for letting me cry buckets by the way

in your HOUSE

in SEOUL

my life is so weird

I miss Adam so, so, so much

I think I've finally reached a level of maturity such that we can have a real conversation together. like, a real real one. as a person, not a little sister.

why did you have to go when I was nineteen?!

and I know I'm also just crying because I'm grateful

and I love you all

and you're still here

nothing cathartic's happened, I just

need to feel

because sometimes the feeling recedes. and recedes. until it's completely gone, good and bad feelings alike, and that is the worst feeling in the world. then I become an empty shell.

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^I actually wrote this last night but for some reason never posted it before I went to sleep