chu_totoro

If I didn't have inherent parental inhibitions, not that they actually command me not to, but just, say, if they weren't home or the room were soundproof, I think I can just keep practicing and practicing wayyy down into the night, and grab a bite occasionally from the kitchen and go back and play and play and play and each time I'll keep being drawn back there like a magnet. Seriously. When you really practice 'stead of just practicing, it's... addicting. almost. Like when you really get in there so that hours fly by without noticing, if you take a break you have to go back because you... need to. You are compelled to. I can't explain it.

Yeah see I haven't really done that for ages. Not on piano, anyway, and piano and cello are different anyway because cello's just different, to start with, and for another I'm not advanced enough to treat it quite the same as piano; the theory's the same but on cello most of it is technical work. Stringed instruments require more technical work anyway.

yeahhh and I didn't really practice just now, either, it was still mostly practice I just really *wanted* to practice but see if it were real practice I'd still be on the piano right now, and I wouldn't get any sleep, but really most of it was just practice because after I spent an hour on etude (and it isn't anywhere close to satisfactory either =.=;;) I kind of realized that my time's up and it's late and I still need to do hw and cello and most importantly, my parents are in bed and if I spent the whole night on the piano nothing will happen now but there will be v. much annoying consequences and ehhh it's just against the natural code. but if there weren't school tomorrow and they were both gone...

pfffffft if if if. So I ended up running through Bach once and Sonata barely at all, when I really should get down and work on the prelude and memorize it properly and really get to know the Fugue, zomg ♥♥♥♥♥♥ to the Fugue, its voices are so awesomely layered and interwoven and complex, and oh, if I only had the time to play with it, to combine two voices and then a different two, bass and baritone and then alto and treble, then treble and bass and I don't know so many combinations... and when any two voices are completely mastered I can interweave a third, layer it into the previous two and add, say, the wonderful moderation of the baritone to the distinctive treble-bass combination, and there are so many things I can do and so many things I want to do with it if I only had the time but nooooo lesson is tomorrow so I run through it once and am painfully aware of how vertical it sounds, instead of horizontal like the voices should be, flowing, distinct, versus vertical chord-like combination-ness and this is what happens when I don't practice enough to be familiar with the voices, when the theme reappears, where to emphasize, when my fingers don't know the notes by heart and fumble through nearly half-sightreading sometimes...

YUCK.

And Sonata, I don't even know when the last time I actually practiced it was, discounting the lessons (a month? two?), but I got it. I got it last lesson, I knew exactly what she was talking about and I followed through the beginning and it was wonderful and she loved it too, only I couldn't keep it up because I don't know the notes well enough and that causes mistakes and rends in the musicality, which she calls insecurity and yes, of course it's insecurity when we reach the harder parts and I am more or less sightreading it andandand...

IF I ONLY HAD THE TIME.

I should practice more. I really should. Glad XC's ending soon, although it's done me much good, but that will provide 2-3 extra hours in a day, and with upcoming breaks life should ease off a bit and. INSTRUMENTS.

Of course, I'm in v. v. practicey mode right now, whereas I am normally in v. schoolworky mode and it is difficult for me to switch between my phases, I mean when your head is full of calculus and antiderivatives and details of the French Revolution and ohmygosh this is due tomorrow and the Tapestry is due soon and there's an essay and this and that, you can't focus. You don't want to focus. And when you're really really in practice mode, when you love the music and want to make it better and better and better and that's all you care about, schoolwork is a nuisance. but when I'm all schoolworky I really don't feel like practicing and it is procrastinated and procrastinated more, and pushed back, back, back, but when I finally grudgingly start and once I actually snap into it, I don't want to go back, and then I have to, and aiya everything so confusing I kind of lost myself in what I was saying.

but. I LOVE YOU PIANO.

...and that is all that is important.