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Sep. 21st, 2008 09:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chu_totoroI have no idea what I dreamt last night, but I am certain it involved a frisbee.
In other news, my dad gave me some technological tips yesterday that were most amusing. For example, my Azureus share ratio is now 70.319! Admittedly this doesn't do much except make my little red/yellow button happily green all the time (the actual ratio's stored in the trackers, see), but it's still kind of fun to play with.
Also, here is half a page I typed into a word document and then abandoned for something else:
It’s so easy to fall back on tradition. Everyone, not just me. When you’re probing for something new, experimenting, trying things out, you don’t know what’s going to happen. And that’s what kills, really. Uncertainty. It’s never just something terrible, something bad, because if you know, say, if you know you’re going to die, you’ve got cancer, a tumor in your brain or summit, you can get over it. Start to live with it, accept it, make the rest of your life worthwhile blahdayada. But – things that you can’t know, things that you have no idea about and can only take the wildest jab at, those are what’s really the worst. Speculation. Apprehension. Our imagination is our own worst enemy. And this goes back to the new, because the new is precisely the stuff you’re not certain with. You don’t know what will happen, you don’t know what to expect, you don’t know if your endeavor will succeed, fail, utterly embarrass you... or maybe a combination of them all. Maybe it’s something as simple as sitting somewhere else at lunch. Maybe it’s something as difficult as asking someone out to prom. And for things like that, it’s so easy, particularly if you’re not an adventurous person, to just fall back on routine. Entertain the thought, struggle with it, sometimes come within a hair’s width of doing it... and then at the last moment fall back, cling to what you know, what is safe, to routines where you always know what to expect. Sometimes it’s not even that. Sometimes...
I am not certain what I was going to say after that. I do, however, vaguely recall the notion to bring up Cinnamon somewhere and point out the passage where the kid could have spoke, could have spoke, almost did... but didn't. And then he came back and did the same thing every day, examined the shelves and left without buying anything or saying anything, until the awkwardness started wearing because it had become routine, see, and it ties back into the whole routine and tradition thing I was going on about, only of course the baker's wife came and kicked him out but, you know, that's just in the story and it's irrelevant, really.
Yeah. So I'm sure I had much more in my head than that at the time I was writing the stuff above, but now it's all gone scattered into the wind. So whatever.
In other other news, I finished Quality of Mercy. It was so good. It was everything the seventh book should have been and wasn't, and will always, I think, stay the real ending, the right ending in my head.
Thank you, Maya.
In other news, my dad gave me some technological tips yesterday that were most amusing. For example, my Azureus share ratio is now 70.319! Admittedly this doesn't do much except make my little red/yellow button happily green all the time (the actual ratio's stored in the trackers, see), but it's still kind of fun to play with.
Also, here is half a page I typed into a word document and then abandoned for something else:
It’s so easy to fall back on tradition. Everyone, not just me. When you’re probing for something new, experimenting, trying things out, you don’t know what’s going to happen. And that’s what kills, really. Uncertainty. It’s never just something terrible, something bad, because if you know, say, if you know you’re going to die, you’ve got cancer, a tumor in your brain or summit, you can get over it. Start to live with it, accept it, make the rest of your life worthwhile blahdayada. But – things that you can’t know, things that you have no idea about and can only take the wildest jab at, those are what’s really the worst. Speculation. Apprehension. Our imagination is our own worst enemy. And this goes back to the new, because the new is precisely the stuff you’re not certain with. You don’t know what will happen, you don’t know what to expect, you don’t know if your endeavor will succeed, fail, utterly embarrass you... or maybe a combination of them all. Maybe it’s something as simple as sitting somewhere else at lunch. Maybe it’s something as difficult as asking someone out to prom. And for things like that, it’s so easy, particularly if you’re not an adventurous person, to just fall back on routine. Entertain the thought, struggle with it, sometimes come within a hair’s width of doing it... and then at the last moment fall back, cling to what you know, what is safe, to routines where you always know what to expect. Sometimes it’s not even that. Sometimes...
I am not certain what I was going to say after that. I do, however, vaguely recall the notion to bring up Cinnamon somewhere and point out the passage where the kid could have spoke, could have spoke, almost did... but didn't. And then he came back and did the same thing every day, examined the shelves and left without buying anything or saying anything, until the awkwardness started wearing because it had become routine, see, and it ties back into the whole routine and tradition thing I was going on about, only of course the baker's wife came and kicked him out but, you know, that's just in the story and it's irrelevant, really.
Yeah. So I'm sure I had much more in my head than that at the time I was writing the stuff above, but now it's all gone scattered into the wind. So whatever.
In other other news, I finished Quality of Mercy. It was so good. It was everything the seventh book should have been and wasn't, and will always, I think, stay the real ending, the right ending in my head.
Thank you, Maya.
