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i remember
Mar. 9th, 2013 11:27 pmwhen i used to try to help the underclass cello section by clapping to the beat, and mr boitz told me, for the second time, to stop
"they don't need to be perfect all the time" he said
i remember also how upset i got one night when i was sick and tired and exhausted, and my (now ex) boyfriend just would not pick up the phone, and i really wanted a ride home, and i walked home in the cold so frustrated i was crying for most of the way home, and refused to talk to him when he finally picked up and picked me up halfway
maybe jason is right and i need to learn to let go. i need to learn to shelve things for their time and accept the truth of the moment, which is that nothing can be done. everything can't be perfect 24-7. i've always had a problem with that, and i've always felt that when something was wrong (especially the stuff that bugged me deep down), it had to be fixed now. or asap.
i guess as steve says, that's letting my emotion rule me and not my mind. i understand failure, and i understand looking ahead -- i understand that since nothing can fix the past, i can just extract what will help me in the future without wasting time beating myself up. maybe now my next step is to learn how to accept not the past, but things in the now that cannot be changed, or can't be changed instantly.
wasn't that always my problem? i always wanted kev to change easily, because the same things that would never occur to him in a million years occurred to me so easily, and i couldn't understand why he couldn't do the same. and it never occurred to me that the things that occurred to me might not necessarily even be right. it's not that different from trusting in people and not micromanaging, is it?
好难！！！
lol i have a long way to go myself. sometimes it feels hard to keep one foot in the door and keep from backsliding. but i think things are slowly getting better...
but above all i'm grateful i'm alive
"they don't need to be perfect all the time" he said
i remember also how upset i got one night when i was sick and tired and exhausted, and my (now ex) boyfriend just would not pick up the phone, and i really wanted a ride home, and i walked home in the cold so frustrated i was crying for most of the way home, and refused to talk to him when he finally picked up and picked me up halfway
maybe jason is right and i need to learn to let go. i need to learn to shelve things for their time and accept the truth of the moment, which is that nothing can be done. everything can't be perfect 24-7. i've always had a problem with that, and i've always felt that when something was wrong (especially the stuff that bugged me deep down), it had to be fixed now. or asap.
i guess as steve says, that's letting my emotion rule me and not my mind. i understand failure, and i understand looking ahead -- i understand that since nothing can fix the past, i can just extract what will help me in the future without wasting time beating myself up. maybe now my next step is to learn how to accept not the past, but things in the now that cannot be changed, or can't be changed instantly.
wasn't that always my problem? i always wanted kev to change easily, because the same things that would never occur to him in a million years occurred to me so easily, and i couldn't understand why he couldn't do the same. and it never occurred to me that the things that occurred to me might not necessarily even be right. it's not that different from trusting in people and not micromanaging, is it?
好难！！！
lol i have a long way to go myself. sometimes it feels hard to keep one foot in the door and keep from backsliding. but i think things are slowly getting better...
but above all i'm grateful i'm alive
