I wonder

when I will find what I'm looking for.

I read behindpyramids's post, and in reading I started to think: I love adventures. I spend my days traveling the world. So why is it not a cathartic experience for me?

And it occurred to me that perhaps my problems lie not in breaking free of where I am, but in ceasing to escape and dealing with it. I've never had any trouble running away, like Cordy of The Weird Sisters. It's easy for me to pick up and leave. But something is always missing. Something lacking. All my traveling and jumping around alienates me from the world, because those I meet are all new, fresh faces, and when I return the world has gone on without me, and I am a stranger.

Yet when I stay anywhere too long, it begins feeling dissatisfying, pointless. So I ask: Is this a problem with me, who is so convinced that it will not work out that I don't put in the necessary effort to reap the rewards? Or am I not blind, and everyone around me is truly unhappy? Everywhere I turn everyone says the same thing, they are stressed and crushed by the enormous amount of work that is Berkeley, they work hard and they want sleep, and when I look into their eyes it seems to me not a one of them really understands why they are working hard, or cares to. I cannot find a single person who does not tell me, "Ah, Computer Science. A good field to be in." Not even KH, the paraplegic. I cannot find a single person who does not care about stress, school, work, the future.

Then again, I may just be hungry. I need to start a fill-my-belly experiment and see if my life outlook suddenly improves. ;)