I always thought

I was a fairly straightforward person

but today I realized

that I am not straightforward at all.

Maybe I was only ever telling myself I was straightforward because I didn't want to encounter what I was really thinking.

The way I used to think I was a quiet bookworm until one day I realized with a shock that some people don't think of me in that way at all.

But then, some people do.

やっぱり bipolar でしょう？

I feel like I'm one step behind everyone in everything.

One step behind Melody in being emo (sorry Melody).

One step behind Haru in speaking.

One step behind my roommate in becoming organized.

Many many steps behind my brother in dying.

Today felt like it was many days all rolled into one. I had delicious takoyaki and delicious ice cream, and two strange encounters in the morning (well, only one, but my roommate had a strange encounter of her own). I had a conversation that made me suddenly miss the piano like mad and I love love love my new class and new classmates. Let me recount, if I recall correctly:

1 France 人
2 Russia 人
2 ドイツ人
1 Hong Kong 人
1 Mongolia 人
1 Myanmar 人
4-5 Taiwan 人
at least 1 Beijing 人
1 Canada 人
1 America 人 (me)

and, er, may be missing a country or two. But 皆さんすごく元気なんて、とっても楽しいんだろう. Oh, and I'm living with a Malaysia 人, so I'm falling into this bad habit of ChinJapanglish. Like, a really bad habit. When I get back to America no one's going to be able to understand what I'm saying. ==;

(btw, for those of you who can read Chinese, the 人 in my head is in Japanese and not Chinese. HAHA ciao)

じゃ、日曜日カラオケ行こう!!

edit: when my family attempts to contact me, instead of feeling any sort of fondness, all I feel are these strong (really strong) surges of annoyance. that can't be a good sign.