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as i was washing dishes, it occurred to me that a lot of my frustration is based of my ideas of justice, which is smth like people should get what they put out (aka if they put out a lot of negativity they should get what they deserve)
but then as soon as i thought about it further, it didn't make any sense because even modelling off that world
i think negative people are already getting what they deserve. they feel like shit. everything seems bland or mediocre or on the edge of irritating to them. they look at life and all the potentially wonderful things and their particular filters show them everything that's frustrating and not so great. they are already hitting themselves harder than anybody else possibly could.
so i think the one thing about myself that i need to fix is my automatic inclination to be less kind to somebody when i see them being unkind to someone else. typically my automatic reaction (unless that person has a good reason - like, if they're coughing/hacking to death and can't even speak, i tend to cut them some slack lol) is to feel disapproving and to want to distance myself from that unkind person. but i'm sure any overt or implicit trace of disapproval is much more likely to engender more unkindness rather than less. i'm sure even the biggest, meanest scrooge of them all will soften a little bit at some genuine heartfelt warmth. and i kind of think this is an extension of my ego problem - being disapproving is, in a way, implicitly making yourself better than someone else, isn't it?
or maybe you disapprove because it's something you fail to accept within yourself
wordplay is so confusing. but i'm grateful that i live in a more conscious environment now so i can slowly work all this out and become a better and better person as i go (:
edit: practice focusing on the positive -- instead of focusing on the lack of awareness wendy has of just how negative and irate all her comments to vic sound, i'mma focus on the fact that at least she's aware that she takes out her anger on him and doesn't want to be like that. and she's grateful for what he puts up with!! yee :)
(THIS IS SO HARD. but one day... i will be that zen)
but then as soon as i thought about it further, it didn't make any sense because even modelling off that world
i think negative people are already getting what they deserve. they feel like shit. everything seems bland or mediocre or on the edge of irritating to them. they look at life and all the potentially wonderful things and their particular filters show them everything that's frustrating and not so great. they are already hitting themselves harder than anybody else possibly could.
so i think the one thing about myself that i need to fix is my automatic inclination to be less kind to somebody when i see them being unkind to someone else. typically my automatic reaction (unless that person has a good reason - like, if they're coughing/hacking to death and can't even speak, i tend to cut them some slack lol) is to feel disapproving and to want to distance myself from that unkind person. but i'm sure any overt or implicit trace of disapproval is much more likely to engender more unkindness rather than less. i'm sure even the biggest, meanest scrooge of them all will soften a little bit at some genuine heartfelt warmth. and i kind of think this is an extension of my ego problem - being disapproving is, in a way, implicitly making yourself better than someone else, isn't it?
or maybe you disapprove because it's something you fail to accept within yourself
wordplay is so confusing. but i'm grateful that i live in a more conscious environment now so i can slowly work all this out and become a better and better person as i go (:
edit: practice focusing on the positive -- instead of focusing on the lack of awareness wendy has of just how negative and irate all her comments to vic sound, i'mma focus on the fact that at least she's aware that she takes out her anger on him and doesn't want to be like that. and she's grateful for what he puts up with!! yee :)
(THIS IS SO HARD. but one day... i will be that zen)
