I like how

I can be agonizing over something, wondering whether I should do one thing over the other for the sake of somebody or because I worry about somebody, and as soon as they express one line of displeasure or attempt to guilt me into it, all of my wishy-washiness flies out the window and I just want to throw it all back in their face.

To summarize, I received this email from my mom:

I received a mail about domain name “ichinosekai.net”.
It required you to pay to keep the domain.
Expiration date is march 28, 2011.
Please let me know what you want to do about this.


Adela,

Please respond to e-mail or phone call within 24 hours. I know you are busy. But lapsing more than 24 hours makes me anxious. And there is always an unfinished item hanging in my mind, which consumes energy. It is disappointing enough that you don’t get in touch regularly…I feel we weigh so little in your life.


well fuck you mother. the more you pressure me, simply the less guilty (and more angry/upset) I feel, and the less I want to go home (or even see your face, which is probably going to spew even more of the same at me because no matter how often I go home IT IS NEVER ENOUGH)

you dickheads out there, tell me I'm a bad daughter. please. I don't feel fucking sorry at all. and the more you repeat it, the less sorry I will feel.



(ps. if you didn't guilt me that i should go home more every single time i went home, maybe i would go home more! surprise.)